


An Evolution Overdue

by MeteoraWrites



Series: The Trick To Being Happy [2]
Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Boys Kissing, Cats, Dorks in Love, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Inspired by Music, M/M, Men Crying, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Road Trips, Set after Sleigh Ride, Sex Talk, Teasing, Troy Otto has PTSD, Troy Sings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-09
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2019-01-31 08:14:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 28,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12677958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeteoraWrites/pseuds/MeteoraWrites
Summary: Finally free from Madison and the pain she's caused we find Troy and Nick on their way North along with Alicia and Strand. It's a long road ahead and Troy realized he needs to work through some unresolved issues along the way. With the help of Nick and the others will he be able to figure things out and find some semblance of peace in his life? Or is he too far gone to be helped?





	1. Satellite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaaack!  
> So! First things first. Thank you to everyone who read HIGB and encouraged me to keep writing, I love you all!  
> Secondly, this story is a little different. Last time the whole story was loosely based around a song by Third Eye Blind. The title of this one comes from a song called "The Violence" by Rise Against, and each chapter is named for a song by them that kind of fits the mood of or helped inspire the events of the chapter. I encourage you all to look up each song to get the vibe I'm going for.  
> Also this story is primarily from Troy's point of view! So I hope you enjoy!

Troy had been mostly silent since they left Madison at the edge of the river almost an hour ago. His mind stuck in a loop of images both real and imagined. Madison standing over him with a bloody ball-peen hammer in one hand and rage in her eyes. Madison screaming in Nick's face while holding a gun. Madison shooting the few people he had left right before his eyes then coming for him. 

He squeezed Nick's hand tighter, fighting back the urge to make him pull the van over so he could hug him, make sure he's really okay and that the altercation with his mother really had ended with no one being hurt. Well, physically hurt anyway. Madison had looked crushed when they drove away from her. Not that it had really registered to him at the time, what with his own mind replaying his attempted murder over and over. 

Before that night over a week ago at the Bazaar with Nick, Troy had never felt fear as far as he could remember. Never. He can admit that he is numb to some of the feelings other people have. He understands the concept of them, understands how they affect people. But when it came to actually feeling them, he drew a big blank. He might have felt them when he was very young, but he doesn't remember. Regardless, the only reason he survived that night was because Nick was there to ground him. 

Even when his heart was pounding in his ears and all he wanted to do was run and hide all he had to do was look at Nick and he knew the fear wouldn't last. Later when they came across the herd of walkers and Nick freaked out it had been so easy to push aside the fear coursing through him and just wrap the other man in a hug. He really wished he could do the same thing now. 

Nick squeezed Troy's hand back and he glanced over at the older man. "You okay?" 

Troy found himself shaking his head no without meaning to. "I remember." He admitted, voice small and eyes set forward to look blankly into the horizon. 

Nick squeezed Troy's hand again. His thumb brushed at the edge of the bandage still covering the mostly healed stab wound in the middle of the other man's hand. "You wanna talk about it?" He asked hesitantly, glancing over again before refocusing on the stretch of highway that they had been driving on for the last 15 minutes. 

Troy finally looked away from the view ahead, turning sideways in his seat and facing Nick now. "I was afraid she was going to kill you." He said, voice coming back to him much stronger now. "After she hit me the first time... All I could think was if she can snap like that and go after me... What's to stop her from hurting you too...?" 

Nick let out a humorless chuckle. "She beat the crap out of me one night when all of this started, you know?" 

Troy blinked at him, not honestly surprised by Nick's confession, but curious to know more. "What set her off?" 

"The army had fenced in our whole neighborhood. Claimed it was to keep us all safe from the dead. She was trying to help me get off the heroin with some oxy she stole from the school she worked at. Anyway, instead of going along with it like a good boy and doing what she wanted, I had been stealing morphine from our neighbor. It seemed like a good idea at the time, so she would have more pills for Ofelia's mom; her foot had been crushed when they were trying to escape the city. So, about a week in this army doc came and had the neighbor I was stealing from transferred to this makeshift hospital they set up outside of the neighborhood. I panicked and went looking for another way to get a fix. Mom caught me and the next thing I know she hit me. One minute she was hitting me again and again and the next I was on huddled in a corner alone."  

Troy tried to picture it in his mind, Nick looking small while Madison stood over him. It wasn't a hard image to conjure given the fact that he had been in a similar position with her only a week ago. "She ever hit you before that?" 

Nick nodded. "A few times, never like that though. I went and hid in the bathroom after; I was gonna use some of Alicia's makeup to try and cover up the bruises, but Alicia found me and tried to get me to tell her what happened. That was when that bitch of a doctor came and took Ofelia's mom and me away." 

"So, Madison never hit Alicia?" Troy asked, calming down a bit as he listened to Nick's voice. 

"Nope." Nick said, popping the P and looking a little uneasy. "She was always the good kid, ya'know? Straight A's and a perfect attitude, the total opposite of me." He said with a shrug. "It was easy to hide the real reasons from her. Just blame it on the drugs. A fight at school or rehab. No one ever really questions why the junkie is banged up." 

"My mom locked me in the basement." Troy said out of the blue, eyes going unfocused at the memory. 

Nick turned his head enough to give Troy a worried look. "Seriously?" 

Troy nodded. "Yeah. I was pretty young the first time it happened. Jake was away on some school trip and Big Otto and her had been screaming at each other for what felt like hours. I was crying and I couldn't stop so she dragged me down to the basement and said I could come out when I learned to behave." 

"That's messed up, man." Nick said, disgust evident in his voice. 

Troy chuckled humorlessly to himself and scratched at his beard. "Yeah." 

"How long did she leave you down there?" Nick asked as he took his hand back to put both on the wheel again so he could maneuver the van around some abandoned vehicles ahead. 

Troy hummed in thought a moment before answering. "I think it was only a night. The longest stretch was about 3 days. She had a habit of getting drunk and forgetting I was down there. Either Jake or our father would eventually find me and let me out." 

"Seriously? How long did this go on for?" Nick asked, glancing over at Troy again before focusing on navigating the cluttered stretch of highway. 

"About 8 years. I was 16 when she got too sick to do anything but hit me and tell me how worthless I was." Troy said, memories of his mom too sick in bed to do anything but curse him out playing through his mind now along with the memories of Madison. 

When Nick glanced over again he could see tears in the corners of Troy's eyes. "Hey, you know you're not worthless, right? Whatever else she told you wasn't true." 

Troy nodded, bringing his hands up to wipe at his eyes. "Yeah, I know. She's not the reason I'm upset. I'm upset about everything that's happened with Madison. Ya'know before she tried to kill me she thanked me for looking out for you and asked me to keep it up." He said with a broken laugh that sounded close to a sob. "I chickened out on telling her I loved you, by the way." He added meekly.

Nick snorted at that. "Yeah, well if she didn't suspect before I bet she does now." He said as he glanced over at Troy again. "You want me to pull over for a while?" 

Troy shook his head and wiped at his eyes again. "I'm good. I want to get as far away from this damn country as possible." 

"Well, we've got, like, another hour until we reach the California boarder, so what do you wanna do to pass the time?" Nick asked, focus on the road as he weaved around an old pickup with a walker hanging out the passenger side window. 

Troy let his head loll back against the rest of his seat, eyes following the walker's movements as it reached a rotten hand for the van on their way past. "Kinda wish I had my CD collection right about now." He said with a small frown, knowing full well Nick disliked his taste in music and probably wouldn't have gone for letting him play them if he had any of his CDs on hand. 

Nick hummed in consideration a moment before speaking. "Take a look in the glove box." 

Troy picked his head up and blinked over at the other man. Nick glanced over with a now broad smile before looking back to the road. After a beat Troy reached out and pulled the little handle to the glove box. Inside was a few random things, first aid kit, hunting knife... and a thick black canvas CD case. 

Picking up the case carefully, Troy turned it over in his hands, it was heavy as he went to open the zipper that kept the whole thing together. "Where'd you get this?" He asked as he started to flip through the different discs. 

"I traded Consuelo the last of my oxy from the Bazaar for it." Nick explained, still smiling. "I wasn't sure if you would like any of the bands in there, but I figured at the very least we would have something to listen to on the drive." 

Troy smiled just as broad as Nick upon seeing a CD he knew very well. He slid it into the vans player as he spoke. "You gave up your stash for me?" 

"Well it was either that or listen to me sing for the next three days. Trust me, you do not want to be subjected to that torture." Nick said with a wince as the loud guitar and drums started to blast through the speakers. "Of course, you found the metal right off the bat." 

Troy chuckled at that. "Melodic-hardcore." He corrected with a genuine smile. "You'll like it, it's not like what I usually listened to on patrol."

Nick heaved a put-upon sigh. "If you say so, man." 

Three songs in Troy begins to sing along, surprising Nick with his knowing all of the lyrics AND his drumming along on the dashboard of the van. It's the most animated he's seen the other man in a while and it puts a smile on his lips that wouldn't quit. 

"How do you even know this band? They sound kind of political." Nick asked, side-eyeing Troy as he continued to sing and drum along to the end of 'Make It Stop'. 

Troy grinned over at Nick. "I heard them when I was in town picking up supplies as a teenager. I owned every one of their CDs. I just didn't listen to them unless I was driving somewhere alone or I could use headphones. Big Otto would have lost his shit if he knew I listened to this kind of music." He explained as he picked up the CD case again and started to flip through the rest of its contents.  

Nick laughed, causing Troy to look up from the CD case and stare at him. "Something funny?" 

"You're totally a closet punk!" Nick said, trying not to burst into a full on laughing fit. 

Troy's face scrunched up in confusion at those words. "What?" 

"I can totally picture it. You in one of those leather jackets covered in safety pins and patches. All made up with tattoos and blue hair!" Nick explained, image clear in his head and making it very hard not to laugh. "I bet you'd look good with a lip ring." He teased. 

Troy just rolled his eyes. "You're ridiculous, you know that?" 

"I'm not the one who owned every CD put out by Rise Against." Nick countered. 

Troy actually sunk down into his seat a bit at that remark. "They're a guilty pleasure." He grumbled before reaching out and turning the volume up higher. He was finally starting to feel good again, Nick's teasing aside. 

Nick smiled over at Troy. "I'm just giving you shit. Their music's not bad." He shouted over the loud beat of the new song. 

Troy ignored him in favor of singing along to the music. " That's why we won't back down, we won't run and hide. Yeah, 'cause these are the things that we can't deny!" 

Rolling his eyes Nick turned the volume up louder and focused on the road head. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics to the song for this chapter can be found here  
> http://www.riseagainst.com/music/satellite 
> 
> So, what do you think so far?


	2. Broken Mirrors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola! I was gonna wait till I was at work this afternoon, but my asshole kitten decided I needed to be awake at 9am even though I work evening's/nights. Ugh...  
> Anyway, don't forget to look up Broken Mirrors by Rise Against. And if you didn't listen to the song for the last chapter it's called Satellite.

The little caravan of four stopped for the night at an abandoned motel on the highway about 100 miles shy of the Nevada border. They were making an arc out away from central and northern California in an attempt to avoid major cities where they were likely to find herds of walkers or other survivors that might be hostile. The rout they were taking would get them to the house in the mountains outside of Seattle in three more days, assuming things went to plan. 

Nick and Strand were walking the perimeter, checking for any signs of walkers or survivors one last time while Troy sat on the cracked asphalt of the empty parking space that sat between the truck and van. His focus on building a fire for them to cook dinner on while Alicia busied herself with making sure the room's they planned to sleep in that night were secure. 

Right as Troy got the fire going Alicia came out of the last motel room and made her way over. After a moment's hesitation she sat down beside him. "You doing okay now?" She asked, bumping his right shoulder with her left, much like Nick tended to do when trying to be indirectly affectionate. 

Troy blinked at her, thinking a moment before speaking. "Yeah, thanks." Pausing to consider if he should say more, he shook his head then continued. "I thought if I saw Madison again I'd want to kill her... Not that I'd end up standing there shaking like a god damn leaf..." He said as he picked up a stray stick and used it to poke at the fire. 

"Don't mention it. You went through a traumatic experience, being afraid is understandable." She said with a small shrug. 

Troy nodded, biting his lip anxiously before speaking again. "I didn't remember until she was standing there yelling. I saw her and it just hit me." He said with a mirthless chuckle. "I really thought she was going to kill you all. I thought she was going to make me watch then come for me next." 

Alicia leaned against Troy's side then, letting her head rest on his shoulder. "Well she didn't. We made it out alive and she can't hurt any of us now." 

Troy tensed for a moment at Alicia's open display of compassion, but he quickly relaxed and let himself absorb the bit of comfort she was offering. Before the Clarks entered his life the majority of affection he received was from his brother, and even that had mostly come to an end aside from the odd hug once he was a teenager. He kind of liked that people were being touchy-feely with him these days. "You, uh, you know I think of you as my family, right?" Troy asked, glancing down at Alicia before looking back to the fire. 

"Nick had mentioned that, yeah." Alicia said with a small nod. 

Swallowing hard Troy braced himself to speak again, the urge to be honest overtaking his strange fear of her reaction. "You know I'm sorry about Jake too, right? I never wanted him to die. Or any of you. I wanted to destroy the ranch, but I warned Nick so you all could get out. I didn't think things were gonna go down the way they did." 

Alicia lifted her head from Troy's shoulder, looking up at him with steely brown eyes. "Troy, be honest with me. How did Jake die?" 

Troy tried not to flinch under the hard look Alicia was giving him. It made him feel small despite his being much larger than the young woman. Taking a deep breath to steady himself he prepared for the worst. "When he found me, he was angry. He was ready to shoot me, and I was gonna let him." Troy said, pausing to lick his lips anxiously. "Nick knocked him off of me before he could pull the trigger. We were on the edge of this embankment, and he fell down it. Before we could get to him one of the dead was on him. It bit him. Bit his arm and I don't know if it would have worked if things were different, but we cut off the arm and tried to get him back to the ranch. He bled out in the back of the truck. He died in my arms and then he turned and I put him down." He explained, an unfamiliar ache forming in his chest and unwanted tears coming to his eyes at the memory of holding his brother as he bled to death. 

Alicia nodded along as Troy told the story of what happened. When he was finished she turned her head to look at the fire again, still sitting so she was pressed against Troy's side. A warm, firm line of comforting heat against the sudden chill of sorrow that was making it hard for Troy to keep his composure.  

"I don't expect you to understand why I did what I did," He continued, voice shaky. "or to ever forgive me for what happened, but I want you to know I never wanted that. Jake was the one person that was always there for me and I never wanted to hurt him." Troy said, voice becoming more choked as he grew more emotional. Aside from this afternoon it had been a very long time since he got worked up like this and it was honestly disconcerting. 

"I get it." Alicia said, voice soft. "Strangers took away your home and threw you out to die, you did the only thing you could at the time." Her own voice growing a little shaky with emotion as she spoke. 

"I think I could have lived with it... if you guys or even just Nick had come with me... I could have let them have the ranch if I hadn't been alone..." Troy admitted, wiping his eyes furiously.  

It was then that Strand and Nick rounded the corner of the motel and came into view. 

Troy quickly wiped at his eyes once more before pushing himself up to stand. "Find anything?" 

"Not a thing. I don't think this place has seen a soul since the end of the world began." Strand said with a sigh as he walked over and leaned his rifle against the hood of the van.  

Nick tucked his handgun into the back of his waistband as he walked over. He looked between Alicia and Troy, one eyebrow raised in question. "Did we interrupt something?" 

"Just me spillin' my guts, nothing major." Troy said self-deprecatingly with a smirk, giving his eyes one last rub to make sure there were no more tears threatening to escape. 

"He told me what happened with Jake." Alicia said, wiping her own eyes as she moved to stand. Once she was up she brushed herself off then made her way around to the back of the van where their supplies were stored. "Who's making dinner?" 

"That would be me." Strand said, turning to go help Alicia retrieve the cooking supplies the villager had provided them with. 

Nick stepped closer to Troy, placing a hand on his shoulder to draw the older man's attention to him and away from the back of the van where Strand and Alicia were now discussing their supplies and meals. "Hey, you good?" 

Troy turned and blinked at Nick owlishly. "Yeah. I'm good." He said, voice a little rough. "I'm just tired. I should probably go to bed after dinner..." 

Nick nodded. "Yeah, it's been a rough day." He agreed. "You want me to come with you?" 

Troy shook his head. "I'm a big boy, Nicky. I can handle going to bed alone." He joked. 

Nick eyed him appraisingly a moment before pulling him into a hug, hooking his chin over the slightly taller man's shoulder as he did so. "Great things about being in a relationship, you don't have to." 

Troy smiled at that and wrapped his arms around Nick, pulling him close as he let his face tuck into the crook of the shorter man's neck. "Yeah? Alright." He mumbled, giving a squeeze before pulling away. 

As they stepped apart Strand and Alicia came back with a few cinder blocks and what looked like the top of an old grill. They arranged the blocks around the small fire Troy had built then put the metal grate over the top, creating a makeshift cook-top. 

Troy and Nick took a seat on the ground with their backs to the van as they watched the other two people get set up and start cooking a mix of rice, smoked pork and beans. 

"We should move the vehicles behind the motel before we all turn in for the night. Make the place look empty in case Madison is followings us." Troy said as he watched Strand stir a bubbling pan of rice. 

"Might also make the place look more inviting to anyone looking for a place to crash." Nick countered. 

"True, but if we hear someone trying to get into one of the rooms we can just go out through the back windows to avoid them." Alicia said as she came around to sit beside her brother. 

"I agree with Troy and Alicia." Strand said, waving a spoon around as he looked up from fussing over their dinner. "We don't know if Madison is following us, or if anyone else is out there, it stands to reason that we should conceal our whereabouts." 

With a roll of his eyes Nick agreed and the topic of discussion shifted to where they were headed.  

Troy explained that his aunt's house was a large two-story with a total of 5 bedrooms, a library, dining room, kitchen, sitting room, a massive garden and green house beside a river in the mountains outside of Seattle.  

His father had tried to persuade his aunt to move to the ranch and when it failed their whole family drove up and outfitted the house to be her own personal safe haven. The whole roof was covered in solar panels, a water filtration system was rigged up to draw water from the river and they had built an 10 foot stone and concrete wall around the place that was about a foot thick. The gate needed a code to be opened from either entrance, and since Troy was the one to set up and program it he knew the master code to unlock it even if someone had changed the general access code since then. They had also built a small bunker in the back yard to cover all their bases. 

Once dinner was finished Alicia and Strand offered to clean up and move the vehicles so Troy and Nick could get to bed. They said their good nights as the sun was just starting to set and Troy walked ahead of Nick into the room Alicia had cleared for them. 

The room was decent sized, a little sitting area/kitchenette in the front half with a small divider separating it from the back where the queen size bed was. The bed spread was a blue and white floral pattern that reminded Troy of something his mother would have liked. At that thought he shook his head, things rarely reminded him of her and when they did he usually ignored it. 

Continuing to look around the room he spotted a large mirror on the wall opposite the bed, it was yellowing with age and there was a massive crack spider-webbed across one side. Troy looked at his reflection in the cracked surface and took a step closer to examine himself in the dimming light. 

He looked tired. Bags under his eyes with bruises and scars decorating his once pristine face. Scars from his encounters with Madison. Troy winced at that realization. Because of that woman he hardly recognized himself anymore. He didn't like it. Didn't like that at a first glance he hadn't recognized himself. He especially didn't like that in the time he'd know her, she had such a profound effect on his physical and mental state. 

Behind Troy Nick was shuffling around getting ready for bed. "I don't know about you, but I'm seriously looking forward to sleeping in a bed that is actually big enough for the both of us to fit in." He joked as he kicked off his sneakers and pulled his shirt up over his head. 

Troy didn't hear Nick's words, lost in his own thoughts. Memories of times that the people who were supposed to care for him hurt him swirling in the forefront of his mind. Tears were starting to well up in his eyes again as he continued to stare down his reflection. Something in his mind was awake now that hadn't been in a long time. Not since he was a small child locked in a dark basement alone and forgotten. He didn't like it.  

Troy felt his chest start to ache, throat tightening as more tears welled up. Before he knew what he was doing he had punched the mirror, making the undamaged side crack and splinter like the other; countless small shards of glass flaking out and falling to the floor at his feet. 

Nick was on Troy in an instant, pulling him back away from the broken mirror and grabbing his face to make him look at the shorter man. "Whoa! Troy? What's wrong?" 

Troy looked from the broken mirror to Nick's eyes, seeing concern there. "I don't think I know who I am anymore." He said softly, tears falling down his cheeks against his will. 

Nick continued to look him in the eyes, a look of confusion overtaking the worry, then a look of understanding. "Okay." He said, pulling Troy into a tight hug a moment later. "You're okay. Everything's gonna be alright. We'll figure it out together, okay?" He said, wrapping Troy in a hug and pulling him close. 

Troy let himself sag against the other man as he wrapped his arms around him tight and let himself cry. At first it was just a few sniffles, but as Nick continued to hold him and tell him it was okay and to just let it out, things shifted. Soon he was full on sobbing as he let out pain he didn't realize he had been keeping buried for god knows how long. 

When they finally separated Troy was in a daze. Too drained emotionally and physically to do anything but go along as Nick pulled him over to the bed and set him down. He helped Troy out of his clothes, leaving him in a loose pair of boxers before stripping down to his own and getting them both situated under the covers. As soon as Troy's head hit the pillow beside Nick's Nick wrapped an arm around him and pulled him close as they both drifted to sleep. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is my belief that if Troy hadn't been abused the way he was and taken out of school at a young age he would have developed into a mostly adjusted adult. I imagine he still would have had some issues with emotions and such given how he was shown to act as a child, but I think if he had been treated the same as Jake and allowed to be a normal-ish kid things would have been very different. I totally 100% believe he still would have been fascinated with the walkers and such, but I don't think he would have gone so far as to experiment with killing people for his own scientific endeavors.  
> Anyway, feel free to share your beliefs in the comments =) I love talking headcanons and character analysis with you all  
> Lyrics to the song for this chapter can be found here  
> http://www.riseagainst.com/music/broken-mirrors


	3. A Beautiful Indifference

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was going to wait until tomorrow to post this, but fuck it.  
> Chapter 4 should be up by Tuesday. I'm on day 7 of a 9 day work load and I really need a nap (but my kitten is having non of this human needing sleep shit) so writing is a tad slow.  
> Anyway I hope you all enjoy this chapter

Troy woke up feeling warm and content. The windows beside the bed faced East, so the morning sun filtered through the thin curtains and made a warm patch right where he and Nick laid tangled together under the blue and white floral blanket.  

With a sigh he snuggled closer to Nick, who was sprawled on his back with Troy laying half on top of him. Troy had a leg hooked over one of Nicks, his arm slung over his chest and his face on the pillow beside Nicks.  

Nick had an arm crooked at an angle so it was under the corner of the pillow and Troy's neck. It came out and around so it was loosely wrapped around Troy's shoulders, hand hanging limp so his fingers just brushed Troy's upper arm. 

When Troy finally opened his eyes, he was greeted by the sight of a sleep lax Nick. His lips were slightly parted, giving a glimpse of his slightly crooked bottom teeth. His hair was messy with a few strands hanging over his eyes. It had started to grow back since he cut it a few weeks ago and Troy found himself wondering if Nick would cut it again anytime soon. He looked cute with his hair short. 

Hesitantly, Troy lifted the arm that was slung across Nick's chest and brushed the few strands of soft brown hair back from his forehead. The action made Nick scrunch his face a moment like he was being tickled before brown eyes fluttered open to meet Troy's blue ones. 

"Hey." Nick mumbled, head turning to the side so his cheek nuzzled the hand Troy still held beside his face. 

Troy smiled at that, letting his fingers stroke down the side of Nick's face. "Hey. How'd you sleep?" He asked softly. 

"Good." Nick said with a groan as he did his best to stretch without getting out from under Troy. "How about you?" 

"Best I've slept in a long damn time." Troy admitted with a slightly sleepy smile. "I like this bed, we should take it with us to sleep on in the back of the van." Troy mused as he let his hand drop from Nicks face to his shoulder.  

Nick chuckled at that, turning his head so he and Troy were nose to nose. "I don't think it'll fit with all the supplies in there, sorry." He said lightly before moving the short distance to give Troy a slow kiss. 

Troy hummed happily at the first brush of Nick's lips on his own and leaned in as well, his eyes slipping closed of their own accord. 

A moment later they parted, Nick pulling away just enough that their lips still brushed as he spoke. "You wanna stay in bed a while longer, or get up and see if Alicia and Strand are working on breakfast?" 

Almost as if awoken by the mention of food, Troy's stomach rumbled loudly, making them both laugh.  

"Food sounds good." Troy said before giving Nick a quick kiss then forcing himself to sit up. As the blanket fell away he stretched his arms up over his head then checked the time on his watch. It was just after 7am and that meant the two of them had been asleep at least 10 hours. Maybe more. He wasn't honestly sure what time it was when they finally went to bed last night. 

Nick pushed himself up, using his hands to hold his upper body in place and watched Troy get out of bed and start to pick through the clothes on the floor in search of the ones that belonged to him. When Troy bent over to grab his discarded button up shirt Nick wolf whistled, earning a glare from the older man.  

"What?" Nick asked innocently before being hit in the face with his pants. 

"Don't objectify me." Troy joked, putting his shirt on and starting to button it. 

Nick rolled his eyes and climbed out of bed to start getting dressed as well. "I was admiring, not objectifying." He countered, voice sweet and appeasing. 

Troy snorted at that. "Uh huh, sure." He said with a small smile as he finished with the last button of his shirt and grabbed his pants next. 

A moment later a knock came at the door followed by Alicia's voice. "Hey, guys, breakfast's almost ready." She called through the cheap pine. 

"Coming!" Nick yelled, hopping on one foot as he attempted to put his shoe on instead of sitting down like a normal person. 

Troy sat on the edge of the bed and started on his boot laces, watching Nick continue to hop in place as he fought with his sneaker. After a moment he was finished and he simply chuckled at the ridiculous face Nick was making; eyebrows knit together and tongue sticking out as he concentrated. "Sit down you dork." He said with an eye roll in mock annoyance. 

Heaving a sigh Nick did as he was told, taking a seat beside Troy on the edge of the bed and putting his shoes on with much more ease. "So," he began without looking up from his shoe laces. "how are you feeling?" 

Troy just blinked at him, staring a moment before answering. He felt better. Mostly. He kind of felt like there was a hollow space in his chest with a mini storm rumbling inside. It was unpleasant, but easy enough to ignore for now. "Different, but I think I'm okay now." 

"Different how?" Nick asked, straightening up from tying his shoes to look Troy in the eyes. 

Troy shrugged, scratching at his jaw as he tried to think of how to explain himself. "I don't know exactly. I think I might have brain damage to be honest." He said with a small chuckle. "I felt afraid.. And sad.. Like really sad, not just kind of down, ya'know? Now I just sort of feel hollowed out if that makes any sense?" 

"What did you feel like before?" Nick asked, trying to get a base for comparison, his brows knitting together as he tried to understand what Troy is telling him. 

"Before? I didn't really feel much of anything. I mean, I felt love for you and my family, sometimes I'd feel excited or angry, but a lot of the time I didn't feel much of anything at all." Troy explained, expression going serious as he tried to remember if he ever really felt much more than that. 

"So, if you don't remember ever feeling afraid or sad before, how do you know that's really what you're feeling now?" Nick asked after a moment. 

Troy shrugged. "I understand the concept of how they're supposed to feel, what effect they have on the body when being felt. Or maybe I just felt them before when I was really young and I just spent so long keeping my shit locked down that I can't keep a lid on it anymore." He pondered, looking from Nick down to his hands. 

"You don't have to keep things bottled up, you know?" 

Troy blinked up at that, staring wide eyed at Nick like he had just said something unspeakable. "But.." 

"No buts, I'm serious. If you feel something then roll with it, don't hold back because you think it's what you're supposed to do, because that's bullshit. You've had a shit life where you weren't allowed to really express yourself, but you are allowed to feel things, Troy." Nick said in all seriousness. 

Something about Nick's words made the hollow space in Troy's chest feel warm, the little storm of feelings getting smaller. Deciding to take his advice, Troy took Nick's face between his hands and pulled him into a deep kiss. 

Nick made a noise of surprise before grabbing Troy by the front of his shirt and returning the kiss enthusiastically, nipping at Troy's bottom lip when the other man started to pull back. "What was that for?" He asked, voice a little rough. 

"You said to roll with it." Troy said with a smirk.  

Nick nodded his understanding, licking his lips as he did so. "Yeah, I did." He said with a smile. "Come on, let's go eat." 

Troy took Nicks hand and let himself be pulled to standing before the two of them headed outside where Alicia and Strand were sitting around a dying fire on metal and vinyl chairs they had pulled out of the hotel. Each was eating a tortilla stuffed with eggs and more of the smoked pork they had with dinner the night before. Troy and Nicks meals sat waiting for them on their own chairs, each with a steaming cup of coffee. 

"We should have asked to take a chicken." Nick said wistfully as he picked up his breakfast and took a seat. 

Troy snorted at that, picking up his own food and following Nicks lead. "We can look for livestock after we get the house situated." Troy said before taking a bite of his breakfast. 

"Speaking of getting situated, how far exactly is the house from the nearest town?" Strand asked before taking a sip of coffee. 

Troy swallowed the bite of food he had been chewing, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand before speaking. "About three miles. There's a small neighborhood at the base of the mountain, but that's only about a mile away. We could probably raid the houses there for supplies and clothes before needing to hit the town. And the house it's self should have enough supplies in storage to have us set for a few months minimum. Jake locked the whole place down after Esther died, so it should still be well stocked." 

Everyone nodded along with Troy's explanation. 

"You said there was a greenhouse, right? So, we should be able to start growing food even with winter coming?" Alicia asked. 

Troy hummed and nodded, taking a drink of his coffee before speaking. "Yeah, assuming nothing's happened to damage the windows or the heating or irrigation system then we should be able to, no problem." 

"And if any of those components have been damaged?" Strand asked. 

"I helped build and set them up, I can fix them easy enough. Might need to go into town to look for parts, but I can do it." Troy said simply before taking another bite of his breakfast. 

"Is there anything you don't know how to do?" Strand asked, eyeing Troy scrupulously. 

"Process emotions like a normal human being." Troy quipped around a mouth full of eggs, making Nick choke on his own and go into a coughing fit while Alicia snort coffee out her nose. 

Troy turned to pat Nick on the back as he coughed around his breakfast.  

Alicia wiped at the coffee running down her face, trying not to laugh or cry despite the humor of the moment and the pain of the hot coffee still in her nostrils. 

Strand chuckled and handed Alicia the handkerchief he kept in his back pocket." It's far too early to be so literal." He said with a smile. 

Troy just shrugged, rubbing Nick's back as he got his breathing under control and took a sip of his coffee to help clear his throat. "Maybe, but it's true." 

"Anyway," Nick said, his composure finally regained. "If we're lucky we should arrive sometime in the afternoon and that should give us enough time to get the solar panels hooked back up to the battery bay that runs the house. Once that's done it's just a matter for getting things unpacked from storage and the greenhouse set up." 

Troy nodded his agreement, looking from Nick to Strand and Alicia. "Exactly. Couple days work tops to get things started." He said before stuffing the rest of his breakfast into his mouth. 

"Well here's hoping things go according to plan." Strand said, holding his coffee up in a toast before downing the rest and moving to stand. "I'm going to go rummage through the rest of the motel rooms in search of anything useful. It's your turn to clean up." He said, gesturing to Nick and Troy as he sat his empty cup and plate on his now vacant chair. 

Nick looked to Troy, shrugging at the order to clean up. Alicia just rolled her eyes and joined Strand in his scavenging while Nick and Troy cleaned up their belongings and repacked the van.  

Nick gave Troy a confused look when he went back into the motel room they had stayed in and came back out with the floral blanket off their bed rolled up and tucked under one arm. "We have blankets in the van." He said, eyeing the blanket suspiciously. 

Troy paused mid step, looking down at the blanket then back up at Nick. "I know, I like this one... It reminds me of my mom..." The last part was said almost sheepishly, his eyes dropping to look at the blanket. 

"Huh, okay." Nick said, walking over and taking the blanket form Troy to put it in the back of the van with their supplies. "It reminds you of her in a good way, right? This isn't some weird way of torturing yourself?" He asked, pausing at the back door of the van, not closing it yet in case Troy doesn't really want to keep it. 

"Her favorite color was blue and she always had pillows and curtains with blue flowers on them." Troy explained, scratching at the back of his head as he walked over to stand by the driver's side door of the van. "Sometimes when I was a kid I'd find bluebells growing around the ranch and bring them home to her." He explained, looking over at Nick with a small smile. "She was indifferent towards me a lot of the time, but the times that I'd bring her flowers she would always smile and told me she loved me." 

Nick smiled at that, closing the back of the van finally. He made his way over to Troy and wrapped his arms around the taller man's neck, making him tip his head down so their foreheads and noses touched. "Blue was her favorite color, huh? I bet she loved your eyes then." He said, voice warm. 

Troy chuckled and wrapped his arms around Nick's waist, pulling him closer. "She told me they looked like the ocean. Granted I'd never seen the ocean so I have no idea if she was right." 

Nick smirked at that. "I've seen the ocean; your eyes are nicer." 

Troy rolled his eyes but continued to smile. "Who knew you were such a sap." He joked. 

Nick huffed a laugh. "You're the one who said I have the soul of a poet, deal with it." 

The sound of a throat clearing came from the other side of the van. When they looked over Nick and Troy saw an amused Strand and exasperated looking Alicia waiting by the truck. "You two almost done or do you need another minute?" Alicia asked. 

Troy just raised a brow and turned back to Nick, kissing him quickly before pulling away to glare at the others. "Buzzkills." He said, flipping them both off before stepping around Nick to get behind the wheel of the van. 

Nick just laughed and walked around to climb in the passenger's side. "See you in a couple hundred miles." He said with a wink before climbing in and closing the door. 

Music blasting, they headed out, Troy singing as he drove and Nick finding himself watching the older man the whole time with a smile on his face. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I really hope you guys are all looking up the songs for each chapter. I might make a playlist of them to make it easier, I dunno yet.  
> If you don't want to listen to the song the lyrics are here, I'm gonna go back and add the songs and lyrics link to the notes of the first couple chapters as well.  
> http://www.riseagainst.com/music/black-market/beautiful-indifference  
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter and I can't wait to hear what you think!


	4. Methadone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm gonna be honest, some of the content in this chapter was inspired by a question Laura asked yesterday about if Troy and Nick had had sex yet or not. So enjoy =D

Thanks to several mostly empty stretches of desert highway, by the time the group stopped for lunch they were already half way though Nevada. They ate quickly, wanting to make it far into Oregon as possible before they stopped for the night. It was ambitious, but the more distance they covered today and tomorrow the earlier in the day they would reach the house on the final leg of their journey. 

Nick took over driving duty for the second half of the days travel. Humming along to the Shinedown CD Troy had popped into the player after having argued over Troy wanting to listen to the same CD's they had listened to earlier. Nick won on the grounds that they should listen to each CD at least once so they don't miss out on something good. 

The scenery on their drive, while beautiful, was getting old as they continued to drive along highway 95 into the early evening. The mountains to their right were stunning, but Nick was getting kind of tired of the view. "We should trade places or stop soon, I think I'm getting highway hypnosis." He said with a small yawn. 

Troy picked his head up from where it was leaning against his window. "That last sign said McDermitt's in fifty miles, that’s on the state line. You think you can make it that far?" 

"Fifty miles? Yeah, I can handle that." He said with another yawn. "Put something else in, these guys aren't helping."  

Troy pulled the CD case out from between their seats and started to flip through it. "Any preferences?" 

Shaking his head Nick tried not to yawn again. "Just find something loud." 

"Toxicity by System of a Down, The Suffering & The Witness by Rise Against or Believe by Disturbed?" Troy asked as he continued to leaf through the contents of the CD case in search of other albums they hadn't listened to yet. 

"Rise Against. You can serenade me some more." Nick said in a slightly teasing tone. 

Troy rolled his eyes but changed the discs without complaint.  

A few songs in Nick found himself picking up the chorus to 'Prayer of the Refugee' and singing along with Troy, who upon realizing Nick was singing as well turned and gave him the biggest smile. It made his face look young and boyish and Nick found it adorable. 

Once the song was over Troy turned the volume down low. "I thought you said you don't sing?" He teased. 

Nick rolled his eyes. "I don't, I'm terrible. Ask Alicia, she can sing way better than I can." 

Troy chuckled at that. "I like your singing voice." He said, resisting the urge to tease Nick at the hint of pink that appeared to spreading across his cheeks at the comment. 

"I sound like my dad." Nick mumbled, face scrunching up a bit like that bothered him. 

"That a bad thing?" Troy asked, leaning in his seat towards the other man a bit. 

"Depends who you ask." Nick said with a huff. "When I was a kid he was always singing and playing board games or reading to us. Around the time I got into middle school it was like a switch flipped or something and he stopped doing pretty much anything but working and sleeping." 

"That sucks."  

"Yeah... I was in rehab when he died. The day I was released I wasn't really paying attention on the ride home and started singing along to the radio. Mom freaked out and slapped me hard enough to split my lip." Nick said, a hand coming up to rub over his cheek and lips like he could still feel the sting. 

Troy reached a hand out and placed it over the hand Nick still had on the steering wheel, giving a comforting squeeze before taking it back. "Well I like your singing. And I'm definitely not going to smack you for it. Unless you're into that kinda thing, in which case I might be willing to give it a shot." He joked, winking at Nick when he glanced over. 

Nick barked a laugh at that. "Being slapped around is definitely not something I'm into. But if you wanna talk about sex and kinks I'm down." 

Turning in his seat so his back was against the door, Troy crossed his arms over his chest and leveled a serious look at Nick. "Wanna make a game out of it? One of us asks a question and we both have to answer?" 

Raising a brow, Nick spared Troy another glance before looking back to the road. "Alright, sounds fun. Total honesty?" 

"Total honestly." Troy agreed with a nod. "You first." 

Nick hummed in thought a moment before speaking. "How many partners have you had?" 

Troy scratched at his jaw as he thought a moment. "Just one. Charlie." 

"The Charlie that had been flying the helicopter back when we first came to the ranch?" Nick asked, eyebrows going up in surprise. 

"Yup. She came to stay at the ranch the summer I turned 17. Her boyfriend had dumped her right before she left school and the minute she arrived she got drunk. She came to my room that night looking for Jake and when I told her he was gone until the next week she tried to climb me like a damn tree." He said with a chuckle. "Turned into a whole thing for the rest of the summer. She would sneak into my room at night or we would go off to 'work' on the fence or something like that. Jake was pissed when he found out what was going on." 

Nick snorted. "Was he pissed because they were best friends, or because of the age difference?" 

Troy shrugged. "A little of both I think. Not that 5 years is really that big a difference. Anyway, your turn to answer." 

"Three. Calvin, Gloria and Luciana." Nick said easily. 

"When did you realize you played for both teams?" Troy asked, not missing a beat. 

Nick snorted at that. "Sixth grade. There was a big middle school dance and everyone was going on about who they wanted to ask. I realized I wanted to ask Calvin and proceeded to freak out about it for a week." 

"Did you ask him?" Troy asked, curiosity getting the better of him. 

"Yeah. He punched me after." Nick said with a laugh. "He apologized later and we stayed friends. He just didn’t think he liked boys at the time. Or he was super in the closet and thought I would out him. I don’t really know which. He changed his mind freshman year though. We started fooling around then and did right up until the first time I got arrested and went to rehab Sophomore year. So, what about you?" 

"Third grade. I had a crush on my art teacher." Troy said, tone amused. "He had really nice brown eyes." 

Nick smiled at that. "Got a thing for brown eyes, huh?" 

"That your next question or are you just fishing for compliments?"  

"Compliments." Nick conceded, glancing over at Troy again. "Okay, actual question. Kinkiest thing you've ever done with someone else?" 

"Um... Rim job in the bed of Jake's truck while it was parked in a field full of cattle." Troy said after a moment's hesitation with a wicked smile. 

"Giving or receiving?" Nick asked, a smirk forming on his lips of its own accord. 

"Both." Troy said, still smiling. "Did her first then made a comment about not seeing how that could have gotten her of like it did, so she showed me." He clarified with a shrug. "You?" 

"Pegging, in an abandoned church, while high." Nick said, now giving a wicked smile of his own. "Glo had this strap-on she bought to use with her ex-girlfriend. When she found out I was bi too she was so stoked to use it on me. She was damn good with that thing too." Nick mused, expression going thoughtful a moment. 

Troy shifted in his seat a bit, blood rushing south at the thought of Nick laying spread out while someone fucked him. He tried not to groan at the mental image as he started to grow hard in his jeans. "Kinks?" He asked, hoping his voice didn't give away the effect the conversation was having on him. 

Nick hummed in thought, licking him lips before answering. "Just some low-level stuff. Neck biting and hair pulling." 

"So that's why you keep it long." Troy said with a chuckle. 

"Shut up." Nick said with a laugh of his own. "What about you?" 

Troy blinked a few times, trying to think if anything he liked was considered a kink. "I, uh... I guess I have a bit of a praise kink." He admitted, licking his lips. "Biting too." 

Nick grinned over at Troy. "How hard are you right now?" 

Troy groaned and let his head fall back against the window behind him, wincing when the impact made the headache he'd had most of the day throb strongly. He ignored it. "I could cut glass right now." He said, bring one hand up to rub at his eyes while pressing down on the bulge in his jeans with the palm of the other. The contact giving him a moment of relief before making him throb and ache for more. 

Nick just shook his head, a hand slipping off the wheel to adjust himself.  

Troy peaked at Nick from between his fingers, biting his lip as he watched the other man move in his seat just enough to slip his hand into the waistband of his slightly baggy jeans and adjust himself before pulling his hand free. "How many more days before I'm no longer under doctors' orders not to do anything "strenuous"?" 

"Three more days, minimum. Why, what were you thinking?" Nick asked, tone mischievous. 

"Thinking I'd like to blow you while I jack myself off." Troy said matter-o-factly, giving a grin and palming himself again when Nick glanced over at him. 

This time it was Nick who groaned, shifting in his seat a bit then glaring over at Troy before looking back to the road. "You," He said pointedly. "are going to be the death of me." 

Troy laughed at that. "If a blowjob is all it's going to take then I'll try to make it a good one. No promises though, I’ve only ever been on the receiving end." He quipped. 

Nick full on cackled at that, body practically bouncing in his seat as he laughed loudly, one hand slapping the steering wheel. "Tell you what, first morning we're at the house I'll give you the best blowjob you have ever had, then you can return the favor. But until then, looks like we're both gonna have to put up with blue balls." He said, giving Troy a sympathetic look. 

Heaving a sigh Troy turned in his seat, facing forward again as he reached out to turn the volume back up on the stereo. 

"Don't pout." Nick said, slapped Troy's hand away from the knob. "I know your head still hurts. You were making that face like you wanted to knock yourself out before I made you change CD's earlier. And I saw you wince when your head knocked the window a minute ago." 

Troy let his head tip back against the rest of his seat, eyes gazing up at the ceiling of the van. "It's not that bad..." He mumbled. 

"Bullshit." Nick said with a snort. "I saw you get half a percocet from Alicia at lunch. That had to have worn off, what, an hour and a half ago?" 

"Something like that." Troy conceded after a moment of contemplating trying to lie. "I overdid it on the driving. I'll be fine." 

Nick hummed at that. "Why don’t you take a nap? I'll wake you up when we hit the next town." 

"Not tired. Besides, we're gonna be there in twenty minutes anyway." Troy said, reaching out to turn the volume back up a bit on the stereo then clicking back on the CD to start 'Behind Closed Doors' from the beginning. He started to sing along, much softer than he had before, because in all honestly his head did hurt, but he could ignore it to an extent if he focused enough. 

A few lines in Nick started to hum along to the music, earning a small smile from Troy as he did so. 

Right as the CD ended the distant outline of McDermitt came into view on the horizon. Troy put in Disturbed next, turning the volume down low again, making the heavy music just a rumble in the background as they continued to drive along to their final destination for the evening.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I admit this chapter was going to be WAY longer. But I wanted to use the rest for the start of chapter 5. As always I hope you folks enjoyed and feel free to ask questions or tell me your thoughts! I love hearing from you all!
> 
> Lyrics  
> http://www.riseagainst.com/music/black-market/methadone


	5. Midnight Hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was going to post this tomorrow, but I plan on taking the bus to Portland (Maine, not Oregon) tomorrow and spending the day wandering around with my brother.

By the time they were about a mile outside of town Nick and Troy realized something wasn't quite right. Several of the towns they had passed through before this had been abandoned with maybe a few burnt out buildings and a fair share of dead wandering the streets. With the exception of a few buildings on the outer edge of town, this one had been burned to the ground, and fairly recently from the way wisps of white smoke still rose from some areas. 

One of the few untouched buildings was a motel right on the edge of town. Nick pulled over in the large dirt parking lot out front of it, trading looks with Troy before putting the van in park and hopping out. A moment later Alicia was pulling the truck alongside the van and she and Strand were climbing out as well. 

"What do you think happened?" Alicia asked, looking around at the various burned buildings and few untouched ones. 

Troy hopped out of the van and walked straight towards the burned-out building that sat nearest the motel, the remains of a small casino according to the street sign that had been on slightly singed. He walked around the front of the burn out shell of a building, stopping when he reached the intersection that it sat beside. Looking around he spotted a large husk of a building one street to his right that had a sizable hole blown in the side, as well as an impressive debris field surrounding it. Without hesitation he walked across the street to get a better look, reading the charred letters that went along the side of the buildings remains. 

A moment later Nick and the others were following close being before coming to stand beside Troy where he had stopped in a dirt field that was scattered with rubble and pieces of school desks, lockers and various other odds and ends. 

"That," He said, pointing to the still lightly smoking structure. "would be what happened. Either the boiler went, or something else caused a fire and I'm guessing the chemicals in the science labs blew. After that the wind probably caught just right for it to spread and take out the rest of the town." He hazarded. 

"Perhaps we should go for a drive, see if this town is really abandoned before we settle in for the evening?" Strand suggested, looking from the remains of the school to the surrounding area. There were maybe half a dozen buildings in plain sight that looked unaffected, though the couldn't see the entirety of the town.  

"Yeah, sounds good." Nick agreed, turning to head for where they left the vehicles waiting at the motel. 

"You guys go, I'll clear the motel with Troy." Alicia said, grabbing Troy by his elbow and pulling him up to stand from where he had knelt down to inspect a piece of what appeared to once have been a chalkboard. I was melted on one end, and misshapen, but it still had chalk smudged in a few places. He stuffed it into his jacket pocket as he was pulled to stand. 

Troy went along, still being led by his elbow as they trailed after the other two men in their group. "I left my knife in the van." He said, looking from the debris field to Alicia.  

Alicia looked up at Troy, finally letting go of his elbow now that he was walking along with her. "So, go grab it? We've got plenty of time, unless Nick and Strand find a reason we can't stay." She said with a shrug. 

Troy nodded before jogging ahead to retrieve his hunting knife from beside his seat in the van. 

"We shouldn't be long." Nick said as he and Strand walked past Troy to climb into the passenger side of the truck. 

"Neither should we." Alicia called back, coming to stand beside Troy as he clipped the sheath of the hunting knife to his belt. 

With that Strand drove off to scout out the town with Nick, leaving behind a cloud of dust in their wake. 

Troy cleared his throat once the truck was out of the lot. "Ready when you are." He said, pulling the knife from its sheath with one hand and gesturing for Alicia to lead the way with the other. 

Alicia nodded and unsheathed her own knife, keeping her handgun tucked into the back of her jeans for the time being. 

The motel was small, only 6 rooms. They went into the office first, finding it unlocked and empty save for some furniture, a coffee maker, and the reception desk. Alicia rounded the desk, finding copies of the keys to each room hanging on the wall. She threw three to Troy, who caught them easily and looked down at them thoughtfully for a moment before stepping aside and letting Alicia take the lead again. 

"Pair up or solo scout?" Troy asked, looking from the keys in his hand to Alicia then back again. 

"Solo should be fine. This place is pretty empty looking. Plus, it's not like either of us needs to run far if we need help." She said with a shrug before taking the key to the first room in hand and walking over to the door. 

Troy nodded his agreement, finding the key to the farthest room and readying it in his hand. "Meet in the middle?" He asked. Alicia nodded before pounding on the door then listening for movement inside. With that Troy walked down to room number six and followed Alicia's lead. He slid the key in the lock, but didn't turn it, instead bringing a hand up to bang on the door first. After a moment he pressed his ear to the wood, listening for any sounds. 

When he heard none he stepped back, turning the key fully before pushing the door open and holding his knife at the ready. Light flooded the dusty interior of the room, reveling a made bed and no signs anyone had been there in quite some time.  

Sparing a glance to his left, he saw Alicia enter her own room, knife held ready but no signs given that anything was in the room she was searching. Looking back now he stepped inside, reaching his free hand out to yank the curtain on the bay window beside the door open to better illuminate the room. 

Sure enough the room was empty. Troy did a double take to be sure, pocketing the tiny shampoo's and soaps that sat on the bathroom counter for the hell of it before walking out and moving to search his next room.  

Alicia was already walking into her second room when he exited his first, a smile on her face as she stepped into the second door. 

Again, Troy slid the key into the lock then knocked sharply. A moment later he swung the door open, stepped inside after he saw nothing and drew the curtain open for better lighting. The room looked identical to the last, though as he approached the bathroom he heard something fall and hit the tiled floor with a solid, but small, thud. 

Troy paused, steadying himself before stepping into the doorway, knife held tight and posture ready to strike. He paused again when instead of another human, or even a walker, he found a cat. The small window above the mirror over the bathroom sink was open and there, sitting on the edge of the toilet bowl leaning in to take a drink of the water there, was a young calico cat wearing a tag-less purple collar with white paws and a half black half pink nose and green eyes. 

The cat perked up at Troy's presence, meowing loudly before hopping off the toilet and walking past a fallen shampoo bottle to come over and rub circles around his ankles as she purred loudly. 

Troy blinked down at the cat, posture relaxing and weapon lowering. "Hey there, kitty cat." He said crouching down and holding out his left hand for her to sniff at. "What are you doing in here, huh?" 

The cat sniffed at his fingers before rubbing her cheek against them. Troy took a moment to stroke down her back, smiling at how soft her fur was before moving to stand again. "Sorry, I can't stay, I have work to do." He said, turning to walk out of the room to clear the last one. 

As he walked away from the bathroom he heard a meow and looked over his shoulder to see he was being followed. Looking forward again as he walked out the front door he found Alicia standing outside of her last room. 

"Find anything?" She asked, leaning against the wall beside the open door of her last room. 

"Know if any of you are allergic to cats?" He asked as said cat walked out and began to wind around his ankles again. 

Alicia's eye lit up at the sight of the little calico. "Oh, my god! Was she locked in there?" She asked, kneeling down and picking up the cat when she came over to her without hesitation. She stood up, scratching at the cat's neck and smiling when she began to purr happily in turn. 

"There was a window open in the bathroom. Found her drinking out of the toilet." He said with a chuckle before pulling the last room key from his pocket and sliding it into the lock. 

"Oh, I am so taking her with us." Alicia said, smiling as the cat rubbed against her face and climbed up onto her shoulders to drape over them lazily like a living breathing fur shawl. 

"Hey, I'm the one that found her, if anyone's keeping her it's me." Troy said, pointing at Alicia before knocking on the door and pressing his ear to it to listen. 

"You like cats?" Alicia asked, one eyebrow raising skeptically. 

Troy blinked over at her as he pulled away from the door. "Yes, I like cats." He said in all seriousness before turning the key and pushing the door of the room open.  A moment later after finding it empty he reached in to pull the curtains open. Stepping in to look around as Alicia followed after him, still with the cat on her shoulders. 

"Really? I had you pegged for a dog person." She said, smiling as she watched Troy check the closet and bathroom before sheathing his knife and turning to face her. 

"I like dogs too, Just never had a cat." He said, coming over and scooping the cat off of Alicia's shoulders. She went along easily, purring louder as Troy cradled her to his chest and began to scratch behind one of her ears. 

"Then she's yours. What are you gonna call her?" She asked, stepping closer to scratch the cat under her chin as Troy continued to scratch behind her ears. 

"I dunno... Daisy, maybe?" He said, looking the cat over as he tried to think of a name for her. 

Alicia smiled at that. "It's cute. I like it. What do you think, Daisy?" She asked the cat, who continued to purr happily at all of the attention she was receiving for the first time in weeks. 

The sound of a truck pulling into the parking lot drew their attention from Daisy to the open doorway. Outside they could see Nick and Strand pulling up alongside the van. 

Alicia walked out ahead of Troy, waving to get their attention as they got out of the truck. "Find anything?" 

"Some barbecued walking dead, extra crispy." Nick joked. "What's that?" He asked a beat later upon spotting Troy walking out of the motel room with Daisy still cradled in his arms. 

"Her name's Daisy, Troy found her." Alicia said, turning to face Troy as he came to stand beside her. 

Strand chuckled. "Cute. I take it from the way he's looking at her that we're taking in strays now?" 

Troy smirked at that. "Well we took you in, didn't we?" Troy quipped with a grin. "What's the matter Victor, don't like cats?" 

Strand shook his head, a small smile spreading on his lips as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I adore cats, the feelings just never seemed to be mutual." He said simply.  

Nick huffed a laugh as he walked over, letting Daisy sniff his hand before he took a moment to pet her. "You know anything about taking care of a cat?" 

Shaking his head, Troy let Nick take Daisy, who promptly headbutted his chin affectionately then climbed onto his shoulders like she had done with Alicia minutes before. "I know they eat meat and need a litter box. That's about it." 

Smiling at Daisy's antics, Nick looked from the cat on his shoulders to Troy. "She might claw up the furniture at the house and bring you dead animals as presents. She'll probably freak out in the van too. Cat's don’t generally like being inside moving objects" 

Troy just shrugged at the mental image Nick's info provided. "I can deal with that." He said easily before walking past Nick and the others and heading for the van to start unpacking the supplies to make dinner. 

 A moment later Nick was beside him, Daisy still on his shoulders. "How's the head?" 

Troy snorted in response before speaking. "Still hurts, but I'm good." He said as he handed two of the three cinder blocks from the back of the van to Nick. 

Nick took them and nodded his understanding. "Let me know if it gets worse, alright?" 

"Yes, Dear." Troy drawled with a roll of his eyes before grabbing the remaining cinder block and the grill grate before turning to go start setting things up, Nick on his heel. 

Alicia rolled her eyes at the two of them and turned on her heel, walking into the motel office without a word. A moment later she came back out carrying one of the cheap wooden framed arm chairs that had lined the wall. After she set it down near where Nick and Troy were setting up she turned to go back for the other, Strand in toe after realizing what she was getting at. 

After bringing out the second chair they went back for the couch, because apparently Alicia was the smart one of the group when it came to being comfortable while roughing it. As she and Strand got the furniture situated Troy got a fire going, making use of some of the charred wood from the casino next door to help get it started. 

Daisy had gone from Nick's shoulders to the couch once it was outside, curling up on one of the arms with her paws all neatly tucked under herself. She watched the fire and paid the humans puttering around no mind until Troy came to sit on the corner of the couch on the same side as her. She moved from the arm to his lap the moment he was settled.

Once dinner was done and the fire was dying down they all retired to their chosen motel rooms. The night was cold and no one wanted to linger in it longer than need be.

As he climbed under the covers Troy felt very grateful to have Nick beside him and Daisy curled up on the foot of the bed purring loudly. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had no intention of there being a cat. But I got writing and was like how can I fake you guys out =P So, yeah. 
> 
> And for those that are wondering, the burnt up walkers Nick and Strand found are the reason the school burned. The remaining towns people were staying in the school because it had generators and someone got drunk and kicked over a lantern. Most of the people were killed in the fire but a few escaped and hid in another building, which subsequently caught fire and killed them as well.
> 
> Anyway! I hope you enjoyed the chapter!  
> http://www.riseagainst.com/music/midnight-hands


	6. Injection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my plans with my brother got scrapped until next week thanks to it raining. So instead I've been home all day writing this and listening to music while my kitten made various attempts to sabotage my work. He's currently on the couch with me trying to get me to play instead of posting this.

Troy woke with a gasp, for a moment not knowing where he was as he sat up and looking around the still mostly dark motel room. Searching for an assailant that wasn't there, he remembered where he was after a moment. Nick was sleeping on his stomach beside him, Daisy curled up on the pillow beside his head. 

Blinking at the shadowy forms of his boyfriend and newly acquired cat, Troy brought a shaky hand up and ran it through is hair, taking a slow breath to try and calm his racing heart. Images of Madison covered in blood as she killed Nick, then came for him still playing behind his eyelids. 

He felt like he was drowning. Every attempt at a calming breath failing and instead he found himself gasping as his whole body shook with the rapid rise and fall of his chest and the effort not to cry. He knew it was a dream, but it had been so real. The look of malice in Madison's eyes as she swung the hammer haunted him. The phantom spike of pain where it connected with his skull made him close his eyes tight, trying to will it away. 

Hunching forward, he pulled his knees to his chest, hands holding onto the sides of his head, fingers tangling in his hair as he continued to gasp for breath. Something soft brushed against his right arm and leg. Daisy rubbing against him in an attempt to soothe the panicked human. Her actions didn't register to him though. His mind sucked into a loop of the fading images from his nightmare mixed with his memories of almost being killed. 

Unbeknownst to Troy, Daisy had walked across Nick's back, waking him up. He rolled onto his side, grumbling about stupid cats. He reached an arm out for Troy, finding the place where he should be empty, he opened his eyes and looked to find Troy sitting up, curled into a ball and sounding like he was on the verge of tears. "Hey, what's wrong?" He asked blearily. 

Getting no response, he sat up, placing a hand on Troy's shoulder. "Troy, hey." 

Troy continued to hyperventilate, tears starting to run down his cheeks as he continued to shake and be lost in his thoughts. 

Without hesitation Nick shifted and climbed behind Troy, sitting so his legs were on either side of the other man's body and his back was to the headboard before wrapping his arms around him and pulling him back against his chest. Troy went easily, making a strangled sound like he was trying not to sob at the sudden contact. "Ssshhh. It's okay. I've got you." Nick whispered into his ear, holding him close and rocking him gently. "You're gonna be okay, Troy, I've got you." 

Troy gasped again, tensing a moment before melting back against Nick at the sound of his voice. His words an anchor that he desperately needed right now. 

Nick continued to hold onto Troy tightly, whispering in his ear and giving what comfort he could. "That's it, just breathe. You're safe. Everything's alright. I'm right here with you. I'm not going anywhere. You have me. You're safe." He said, kissing the corner of Troy's forehead lightly before resting his cheek against the other mans. 

By the time Troy finally settled the sun was high enough that the room was dimly lit thanks to what morning light bled in around the curtains. He was no longer crying, though his breathing was still a bit ragged as he finally spoke. "I'm sorry..." He rasped weakly. 

Nick turned his head, blinking in confusion at Troy. "Why? You didn't do anything wrong." 

"I don't know what's wrong with me..." He said, voice cracking like he might cry again. 

"Did you have a nightmare?" Nick asked, trying to figure out what caused all of this. 

"Yeah..." Troy admitted, swallowing hard at the fading memory of the dream. 

"Wanna tell me about it?" Nick asked, bringing a hand up to brush Troy's sweat slicked bangs from his forehead then dropping it back to hold onto his arm like it had been before. 

Hesitantly, Troy nodded, licking his lips before speaking. "We were in the dam; you, me and Madison. It was like what happened... Only instead of hitting me a second time and knocking me out you ran to stop her after the first hit... She swung and hit you before you could stop her... She just kept hitting you over and over, and I was just there on my knees screaming for her to stop... When you were dead she came after me again... That's when I woke up..." 

Nick held Troy tighter, sighing when he heard what Troy had dreamed of. "And when you woke up you kept seeing it?" He asked softly. 

Troy nodded, sniffling a bit. "I couldn't shake it..." 

"You had a panic attack." Nick said, rocking the both of them a little. "Probably gonna have them for a while." 

"Great, another thing that's wrong with me..." 

"Don't-" 

"Don't what? I'm pretty obviously a psychopath, Nick. And now I'm a psychopath with PTSD. How fucked is that!" He said with a somewhat hysterical laugh. 

Heaving a sigh Nick tightened his hold on Troy, resting his chin on the other man's shoulder as he spoke. "I think the fact that you're having an emotional breakdown would be a pretty strong indicator that you're not a total psychopath. But what do I know?" 

Troy blinked at that. "I hadn't thought of that..." He said slowly, considering Nicks words.  

Nick hummed, hands squeezing Troy's upper arms where he held them. "You've definitely got some tendencies that sync up with being a psychopath, but you gotta figure, you were also isolated at a young age and raised to not show emotions and to be Jeremiahs attack dog. Now, how many of those tendencies do you think are learned behavior, and how many are actually being a psycho? Because I think the fact that you're suddenly experiencing all of these feelings now that you're no longer under Jeremiahs thumb would mean it's more likely the former than the latter." 

"Or I'm having some kind of psychotic break..." Troy mumbled, letting his head hang forward so his chin practically touched his chest. 

"If this was a psychotic break you would be doing a lot more than crying and having panic attacks." Nick countered. 

Heaving a sigh Troy lifted his head again and turned it enough to look at Nick. "Stop psychoanalyzing me. It's creepy." 

Nick snorted a laugh at that. "You said yourself you don't think you know who you are anymore. I'm just trying to help you figure it out." He said with a small shrug "Also, I studied psychology during my failed stint at community college. Intro to Psych was the only class I didn't flunk out of." 

Troy let his head fall back against Nick's shoulder at that. "Of course you did." He said with a yawn. 

"Hey, it's still early, wanna go back to sleep for a while?" Nick asked, loosening his hold on Troy at last. 

"Yeah, sleep sounds good. I feel like I haven’t slept at all..." Troy said with another yawn. 

"Yeah, panic attacks will do that." Nick agreed, letting go of Troy and moving back to his side of the bed, jostling a now annoyed looking Daisy, who had fallen asleep draped over his and Troy's outstretched legs at some point in the last half hour. 

"More Intro to Psych knowledge?" Troy asked, picking Daisy up off his legs and relocating her to the foot of the bed where she stretched then curled back up as if nothing had happened. 

"Junkie knowledge. There were a couple of ex-military types that would crash in the church and get high with us. Sometimes they'd have flashbacks and panic attacks when they'd sober up the next morning." Nick explained, fixing the blanket so it was over both of their legs again before he pulled Troy down to lay beside him. 

"Do me a favor?" Troy asked as he laid down beside Nick, rolling onto his side and throwing an arm over the other man. 

"What?" Nick asked, pulling the blankets up before bringing a hand to rest on the wrist of the arm Troy had draped across him. 

"If I ever get that bad, shoot me." He said, moving closer and bringing his chin to rest on Nick's shoulder. 

Nick huffed at that. "I won't need to shoot you 'cause you're not gonna get that bad. They were like that because they tried to keep everything bottled up. Just keep talking to me about shit and don't bottle it up, alright?" 

Troy sighed at that. "If all this openness and sharing doesn't work I'm holding you responsible." He mumbled. 

"I figured you would." Nick said with a small smile. 

"Same goes for you." Troy added. 

Nick turned his head to look at Troy, who had his eyes closed and looked about to fall asleep. "Huh?" 

"You don't bottle shit up either," Troy said, tapping Nick's chest for emphasis before letting his hand settle back over his heart. "you can talk to me too. Kay?" He asked, rubbing his chin on Nick's shoulder in a sleepy display of affection. 

"Yeah, okay." Nick agreed, turning just enough to press a quick kiss to Troy's lips before settling back down. "Now get some sleep." He said with a yawn. 

Humming into the kiss Troy opened his eyes long enough to see the smile on Nick's face as he pulled away. "Yes, Dear." He drawled, leaning in to kiss Nick's cheek before settling in and closing his eyes again. A few moments later he drifted back to sleep. 

Nick dozed off as well, sleeping maybe another hour and a half before he awoke to the sounds of Alicia and Strand puttering around outside. Glancing at Troy, who had rolled onto his back and somehow acquired a Daisy shape growth on his chest, he got out of bed slowly, getting dressed as quietly as possible before letting himself out. 

Closing the door quietly, Nick turned to find Strand sitting on the end of the couch they had moved out the night before while Alicia sat in one of the arm chairs she had pulled up close to the fire stirring what looked like a pan of oatmeal. "Hey." He said, giving a small wave as he walked over and plopped down onto the end of the couch opposite of Strand. 

"Hey, Troy still sleeping?" Alicia asked as she grabbed a cup and filled it with coffee before handing it to her brother. 

Nick took the offered cup, blowing on the hot liquid a moment before hazarding a sip. "Yeah. He didn't sleep well, so I figured we could afford to let him sleep another hour or two." He said with a shrug before taking another sip. 

"I heard you guys earlier, is he alright?" Alicia asked after a moment's hesitation.  

Nick heaved a sigh and looked down at the contents of his coffee cup, giving it a swirl as he considered how he wanted to respond. "He had a nightmare and it triggered a flashback of mom trying to kill him. We handled it." 

"Handling it and being alright are not one in the same, Nick." Strand piped in. 

"Yeah, I know. He's not okay, but we're working on it. Besides, can any of us honestly say we're okay anymore? We've all been through enough shit in the last two and a half months to put most people in the psych ward. He's lost his family, his home, and the person he saw as a surrogate mother tried to murder him. He's allowed to be fucked up after all that, just like we're allowed to be fucked up after all we've lost." Nick justified before downing the rest of his still hot coffee in three big gulps and moving to stand. "I'm going for a walk, I'll be back in a while." He said, setting the cup down in his now empty seat and taking off in the direction of the debris filed by the high school. 

Alicia and Strand traded looks of concern, but said nothing as Nick walked away. 

Once he was out of sight, Nick let his shoulders slump. In all honesty he was worried about Troy and how he's handling everything. During the day he seems mostly fine, but that was two nights in a row he lost it in some way. It was probably just a coincidence, but he couldn't help worrying that it might be just the beginning of a long road to recovery for Troy.  

He knew he could handle it, but he wasn't sure about Strand and Alicia. Alicia had been ready to give up on him years ago when it came to his addiction, so who's to say she would stick around for Troy's battle with apparent PTSD. He knew she planned to go back to the village eventually to study medicine with Consuelo, but who says she'll come back if things don’t get better? 

With a sigh he pushed those thoughts aside. Alicia is an adult now. She can make her own decisions. As for Strand, he's inclined to stay wherever it benefits him most. If the house is really the sanctuary it's promised to be, he's likely to stay even if thing's with Troy get tough. Also he seems to have some degree of loyalty to Nick, so there's that.

Looking around, Nick found himself standing outside the burned-out school, chunks of wall and various odds and ends from inside the school littering the ground surrounding him. To his left was a row of lockers, all busted open from being sent flying however many feet. After another moment of looking around he made his way over and started to pick through the contents that remained mostly undamaged. 

The first locker contained a blue backpack with some notebooks and writing implements. He grabbed that first. The next few had random odds and ends. More notebooks, pens and pencils which he added to the backpack. One had a baseball, he pocked that for the hell of it. Another had a Polaroid camera and three unopened boxes of film. With a grin he hung the camera strap around his neck and put the film in the backpacks front pocket. 

The last locker contained a gym bag that looked like it had seen better days. He pulled it out and unzipped the side pockets first. He barked a laugh when the first thing he pulled out was a rather large bottle of lube. "This guy was either a total creep, or way too practical." He mused to himself, unscrewing the cap to find the seal wasn't even broken. With another laugh he screwed the cap back on and added the bottle to the backpack of other scavenged goods he planned to keep.  

Looking from the almost full backpack to the other lockers, books, cabinets and slightly burnt desks that littered the area Nick decided 'fuck it' and dumped the dirty clothes out of the duffle bag. Might as well take everything he can that might be of use later on. 

Maybe an hour later he made his way back to the motel. Blue backpack strapped to his back and two stuffed full duffle bags dragging on the ground behind him. Troy was sprawled across the couch out front of the motel, Daisy curled up on his stomach as he picked at half a bowl of oatmeal. Alicia was sitting in the same arm chair, though not as close to the fire now, and Strand was nowhere to be seen. "Ho, ho, ho." Nick said with a grin as he walked up, swinging the two duffle bags around to land in the dirt before him. 

Troy raised a brow at Nick's antics. "Hate to break it to you, Nicky, but Christmas is at least another month and a half away." He joked, flipping the younger man off when he lifted the camera around his neck and snapped a picture of him. 

Nick rolled his eyes at that and pocketed the undeveloped photo for the time being. "Fine, then I won't give you a new notebook to replace the one that got waterlogged at the dam." Nick said, before turning to Alicia. "You, on the other hand, now have plenty of stuff to take notes with when you go back to study with Consuelo." He said with a grin at his little sister. 

"Seriously?" Alicia asked, setting her coffee cup down and grabbed the first duffle bag to drag over and inspect. "Did you get all of this from the school?" 

"Yup. There was a ton of stuff right outside the building where the side blew out. Pretty much everything that was in a locker or filing cabinet was undamaged." He explained. 

"Neat." Troy said before stuffing a spoonful of oatmeal into his mouth. 

Nick snorted a laugh at that. "So, where's Strand?" He asked, looking around for the older man. 

"He's in the office boxing up all the coffee and little shampoos." Troy supplied, waving his spoon in the direction of said office. "Now eat your breakfast so we can get ready to go, we're burning daylight." He mock ordered.  

Nick just shook his head before grabbing the waiting bowl of still warm mush. "Yes, Dear." He joked before taking a seat in the one empty arm chair. He ate quickly, then the lot of them got everything cleaned and packed back up before hitting the road. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I want to note that I have PTSD and am going off my own experiences with it when writing what Troy is going through.  
> I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and the little flip to Nick's perspective at the end.  
> http://www.riseagainst.com/music/endgame-appeal-reason-siren-song-counter-culture-sufferer-witness/injection


	7. Awake Too Long

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! I wanted to post this last night, but I spent 2 hours at work trying to find a fucking quote that I wanted to use but of course I didn't find it until I was home with no computer.  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, I'll try and have the next one up on Tuesday.

About three hours into the day's drive Troy was maybe a quarter of the way through copying the contents of his old journal into the new one Nick had found for him. Most pages in his old one had been written in pencil, so nothing ran or smudged when it had gotten wet, but most pages were bent out of shape or torn from his attempts to pull them apart. 

"What are you going to do with the old one when you're done?" Nick asked, lowering the volume on the stereo so he didn't have to yell over the Linkin Park CD Troy had put in a few minutes ago. 

"Burn it." Troy said simply before picking up both journals and setting them in the empty space between their seats alongside the CD holder and the backpack Nick had been wearing when he came back from rummaging through the wreckage of the high school back in McDermitt.  

"So, is that all just notes from what you were doing at the boarder?" Nick asked. 

"Nope." Troy said, leaning forward to grab the Polaroid camera from where Nick had set it on the dashboard. He leaned back, turning the camera over in his hands before looking to Nick.  

"Then what else do you write in it?" Nick asked, not honestly expecting an answer. 

"Everything that's happened since the old world went up in flames." He said, turning so his back was to the door and raising the camera to look at Nick through the viewer. "Everything I've thought, felt, and been witness to since Jake came flyin' into the ranch with news that there was rioting in the cities and talk of the dead rising up to attack the living." 

"Seriously?" Nick asked, eyebrows raising. 

"Seriously." Troy said with a chuckle, snapping a picture of Nick while he looked surprised. 

"Dude! Come on! No flashing the driver." Nick yelled half-heartedly, taking a hand off the wheel to smack at Troy's arm playfully as he lowered the camera. 

Troy laughed at that, leaning back against the door when Nick swung his hand out in a failed attempt to evade. "Relax, it's not like there are any other cars for us to hit." He said, gesturing to the empty stretch of highway ahead before grabbing the photo from where it hung out the front of the camera, waving it back and forth as he waited for it to develop.  

Nick just huffed and rolled his eyes. "It's the principal of the thing." 

"Alright, alright. I'll never flash you again." Troy said, tone mischievous, wiggling his eyebrows when Nick glanced over at him. 

"Not funny." Nick said, pointing a finger at Troy.  

Troy just grinned. "It's a little funny. I mean, you haven't even seen me naked yet and you're telling me not to flash you." 

Nick groaned in mock annoyance, head tipping back to hit the rest of his seat before he picked it back up and refocused on the road ahead. "You know that wasn't what I meant, jerk." 

"Sure, sure. Whatever you say." Troy said, tone light as he stopped waving the little Polaroid picture to take a look at it. "You photograph well." He mused, smiling down at the picture of Nick. 

Nick snorted at that. "If you say so, I'm just impressed that thing still works. It was in a mangled locker, like, forty feet from the school." 

"That is pretty impressive." Troy agreed, leaning over to pick up the blue backpack from between their seats now. "So what else did you find?" 

"A giant bottle of lube." Nick said, grinning like an idiot. 

Troy blinked up at him from where he was still bent over, one hand on the backpack and the other on the floor to help him balance. "Seriously?" 

"Yes, seriously. It's in the big pocket along with some more notebooks and writing stuff. Oh, and the front pocket has a few more boxes of film for the camera." 

"I can't believe you kept a random bottle of lube you found." Troy said with a chuckle as he sat upright, backpack now on his lap. 

"To be fair, it wasn't open." Nick justified. 

"Oh, well in that case." Troy said sarcastically with a roll of his eyes before unzipping the main pocket and placing the picture he had taken of Nick between two of the notebooks for safe keeping. He paused a moment to inspect the label on the bottle of lube before shoving it back in and zipping the whole thing closed again. 

"Anyway," Nick said, tone a bit amused. "I found a lot of other useful stuff while I was out there, and now you've got plenty of notebooks and journals to write whatever you want." 

"True. Though I imagine living in the mountains is gonna be much less eventful than living on the ranch was." Troy said, tone a bit bored as he set the backpack back where it had been before. "Which reminds me, I still need to write everything that's happened since we left the Bazaar." 

"You write about our night out yet?" Nick asked, raising a brow at Troy. 

"Yeah, the next morning while you were passed out." Troy said, scratching at his jaw as he thought about their time at the Bazaar. "I was too amped up to sleep after everything, even when the drugs wore off. So I wrote down everything that happened with the horde and the ranch and everything after..." 

Nick let his right hand slip off the wheel, reaching out to take Troy's left hand in his where it sat on his thigh. "How are you feeling about all that anyway?" He asked, giving Troy's hand a squeeze. 

Troy blinked down at their hands before looking over at Nick. "Pretty much the same. I don't regret what I did. That was my home and I had every right to destroy it." 

Nick nodded his understanding. "I meant how are you feeling about the fact that everyone died." 

Troy shrugged, thumb rubbing at the back of Nick's hand as he thought. He missed his brother, and the ranch. But he didn't feel much of anything else. "You know I really thought they would run. A herd that big... They never stood a chance..." He said, looking down at their joined hands and marveling at the difference in their skin tones. He was not a pale man, but Nick's skin made his look like porcelain. "You know, you never did tell me what you are. I mean, I know your mom's white, but you never told me what your dad was." 

Nick snorted at that, glancing over at Troy as he lifted their hands to marvel at the differences in them more closely. "If I tell you will you talk to me about how you're feeling and stop deflecting?" 

"Fine." He agreed with a huff. 

"Afro-Jamaican." Nick said in all seriousness. 

"Really?" Troy asked, eyebrows raising in surprise.  

"Really. My dad and his family immigrated from Jamaica when he was two. Before that his side of the family lived there for, I think, like, 200 years and before that they were taken as slaves from somewhere in Africa. He did one of those DNA tests to find out more, but I was, like, eight years old when he did so I don't remember what the results were." 

"Huh." Was Troy's only response. He figured Nicks dad was probably black to be honest. Something about his lips and the way his hair started to look like dreads as it got longer and began to curl and twist at the ends. But at this point he just wanted to know for curiosities sake. It was an unknown about the person he loved, and he wanted to know everything about him. 

"Really? After all that all you have to say is huh?" Nick asked, voice a bit high with his surprise. 

"How were you expecting me to react?" He asked, blinking over at Nick before looking at their hands again. 

"I dunno, man, you're kind of racist. I thought you were gonna freak out or something." Nick said, half expecting Troy to be annoyed by his statement. 

Troy just shrugged. "I'm learning to be better." He said, looking back up at Nick. "I mean, I wasn't really freaked out by the Mexicans in the village. Not like I was when we were at the Bazaar... That place did not sit right with me." He said honestly. 

"You were still a little freaked out by them. I thought you were going to run screaming when Mrs. Rodriguez hugged you that one time." Nick said with a smile. 

Rolling his eyes Troy slouched down in his seat, knees pressing into the dashboard. "She surprised me." He mumbled. "I'm not used to people other than Jake hugging me." 

"What about me?" Nick asked, tone a bit teasing. 

"Still a little thrown by it, honestly. But I like when you hug me." He admitted, letting their hands fall into the empty space between their seats.  

"Good, because I plan on doing a lot more of that." Nick said lightly before giving his hand a squeeze. "Okay, seriously, I wanna know how you feel about everyone at the ranch dying." 

Heaving a sigh Troy let his head fall back against the seat. "I don't know... Like I said, I don't regret leading the horde to the ranch. As for the people... I guess it sucks our people died... Walkers people can rot for all I care though..." Thinking about everyone he knew before dying made his gut twist in a weird way, but it was easily ignored. Though thinking about Walkers people dying made him a little happy, the smug bastards. 

"What about Jake? How are you handling that?" Nick asked, tone cautious as he spoke. 

"I miss him..." Troy conceded, letting his eyes close as he thought about his big brother. "I got used to him not really being around when he went off to college, and even after that when he was dealing with Walker and the lawsuit and all that... But then the world ended and he was always there, ya'know? It was great, like old times, only now we were both adults and I didn't need him to look after me anymore... It's weird... It kinda feels like when he was away at college, but I know he's not coming back and I don't just miss him... My chest actually hurts when I think about him now..." 

"Yeah, I get that. For the longest time after my dad died I felt like he was just out working late and he would walk in the door any minute." Nick confessed. "Those first nights out of rehab I would go wait on the couch until I fell asleep. I knew he wasn't coming back, and waiting there hurt like a bitch, but it also made me feel better." 

"Does the ache go away?" Troy asked, swinging their hands back and forth a bit where they hung between them. 

Nick shook his head. "It gets easier to deal with. Like a buzzing in the background. Sometimes you forget it's there and when you remember it hurts worse for a little while, but it does get easier... For a while I didn't let myself feel it, I spent the better part of 6 months hiding away getting high." 

Troy looked over at Nick again. "What made you stop?" 

"I OD'd and Glo called 911." He said with a shrug. "I probably would have been fine if she hadn't, it wasn't that bad. But it was bad enough to really scare her. It didn't stop us both from going back to the church after I got out of rehab again though." 

"I really don't get what's so great about being high." Troy said, turning his head to look out the window now. It was starting to get dark out, clouds rolling in to block the noontime sun. "Everything felt so... Wrong? Like my limbs were moving through water or sand... And noises were so loud... Like I could hear every single sound buried in the music they were playing in the canteen and that drug den... The only good part was being with you..." 

Nick chuckled at that. "I'm sorry you had a bad trip, it's not normally like that. When it's good it's like a full body and mind rush and you feel like you're floating. Everything just feels good and nothing can touch you. You feel invincible." 

"It felt like that when I hugged you..." Troy said, looking back to Nick. "I didn't want to let you go, even after the dead were gone." 

"You didn't let me go." Nick corrected, squeezing Troy's hand. "As I recall, we stood there until the sun started to come up." 

"Yeah." Troy conceded with a laugh. "What was it you told me that night? That I'd never feel freer or more myself than when it's 5AM and the suns about to rise and I'm out of my mind?" He mused, smiling at the other man when he glanced over at him. "You were right. Despite how much I disliked being high and the fear I felt, in that moment I felt the best I had ever felt in my life." 

Nick just smiled at that, lifting their joined hands and bring them up to kiss Troy's knuckles before letting them fall back to the space between their seats. "Yeah? Me too. You know, once I stopped freaking over not wanting to go back to my mom." 

"I'm not sorry I made you go back to her." Troy said, ducking his head. He really wasn't, given the outcome. Who knows if they would have every gotten together if he hadn't? Sure, almost being killed sucked, but in the end he got to become more than just Nick's friend, and that was worth everything to him. If he hadn't been knocked out he may have never got to see what this could be instead of what it was. 

"I figured." Nick said.  

A moment later it started to rain and the sound of thunder cracked in the distance. Daisy let out a pitiful cry from the back of the van, where she had been napping atop the pile of blankets behind Troy's seat. 

"Don't worry, girl. It's just a little rain." Troy said softly, turning in his seat to peer around the back at the scared cat. 

The little calico looked back at him with unblinking wide green eyes. She was scrunched as small as possible with her back to the wall of the van, fur slightly puffed in fear. She let out another small meow before ducking her head and flattening her ears at another crack of thunder. 

"Looks like we're gonna be driving in this a while." Nick mused, leaning forward in his seat to squint out the window at the storm clouds that blankets the sky as far as the eye can see. 

With a sigh Troy let go of Nick's hand, reaching to turn the volume back up on the stereo. "Here's hoping the storm doesn't last" He said, watching Nick continue to squint. 

A moment later he was slowing down. They were coming around a large curve that brought them around the edge of a mountain. A head, in the gray and rainy distance, was a herd of walkers, a big one, and they were taking up both sides of the highway.  

"Shit." Nick said, coming to a complete stop before looking to Troy with wide eyes. 

"Yeah, shit..." Troy agreed. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those from outside of the Americas, 911 is our emergency number, like 999 is in other counties.  
> Also, the bit about Nick's dad? I looked up Frank Dillane on wikipedia and it said his mom is Afro-Jamaican, so I didn't just pull a random heritage out of nowhere and slap him with it.  
> So, for Troy's description of his bad trip I used a little of my own experiences there. My lovely twin brother got me to do mushrooms with him about 2 years ago, and while the first 4 hours were great, I hated that I felt like my limbs weren't responding right and when I started to come down my trip went bad and I ended up crying face down on the floor about how everyone leaves me. So from watching how Troy was when he was high with Nick I figured he probably was experiencing some of the same things I did even though it was different drugs. Okay, story times over for now.  
> Hope you all enjoyed this chapter and I will see you all next time =)


	8. The Black Market

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got done writing this early so here we go! Mwahahaha!  
> So I'm gonna hopefully have the next chapter done by Thursday. I pinched a nerve in my arm and am on orders to rest it, they didn't say I couldn't write though so write I shall! Ya'know, unless the rest of my hand/arm goes numb while doing so. (feels like I've been shot up with novocain only it's my arm and half my hand instead of my face)  
> Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter, I had fun writing it, as always.

Nick and Troy stared at the horde of walkers in a sort of awe as they watched them shamble forward through the heavy rain. The horde was massive, at least as big as the one that took out the ranch, if not bigger. It was hard to say for sure with the weather getting worse by the minute and obscuring their field of vision. 

A moment later the truck was pulling alongside the van on the highway and Alicia was waving at them from the open passenger side window. Nick rolled his window down, squinting when the rain started pelting his face harshly. 

"We need to turn back!" Alicia called over the sound of rain assaulting their vehicles. 

"Yeah!" Nick agreed. "Let's hit that gas station we passed a ways back, there's gotta be road maps we can use to find another route!" 

"Excellent idea, now let's move!" Strand yelled from the other side of Alicia. With that the windows were rolled back up and Strand backed the truck up first, turning around and taking the lead as they went back towards the rest stop they had passed maybe half an hour ago. 

Once the truck was out of the way Nick maneuvered the van around to follow. "So much for making it far enough today that we could be at the house before noon tomorrow." 

"So, we get there in the evening instead of the morning? House'll still be there regardless of the time, Nicky." Troy said, slouching back in his seat. "Frankly, I'm surprised we didn't come across a herd like that sooner." He added, watching the horde disappear out of sight in his side view mirror. 

"There was that one on the US side of the border." Nick pointed out.  

"Yeah, but that was days ago, and I knew that one was there. My men had to draw it back into the city so the depot would be secure while we collected fuel." He said glancing over at Nick before looking out the window again.  

"Yeah, well, we saw how well that worked out." Nick said with a snort. 

"I'm just saying, I know we've been avoiding majorly populated areas, but the fact that we haven't come across more hordes is interesting. We've driven past all those empty cars, and towns, and seen a few dead here and there, but not enough to explain all the empty spaces. Kind of makes you wonder where they're all headed. Is something drawing them in any particular direction when there's nothing to keep their attention? Or does one just start walking and the others follow because of the movement?" Troy mused, leaning to pick up his journals again. 

"I don't know, you're the one who spent a few days leading a horde, what do you think?"  

"That's the thing, I was leading them, I wasn't a part of the herd. It's not the same. It was like driving cattle, only instead of looking for grass to feed on they wanted to eat me." Troy said with a chuckle as he re-situated himself in his seat and started to copy his old journal over to the new one again. "That reminds me, how did you figure out the dead wouldn't attack you if you covered yourself in their blood?" He added, lifting his head to stare at Nick a moment. 

"You know how I told you Strand got us out of California before it was burned on his boat?" Nick asked, glancing over and making eye contact a moment. He continued when Troy nodded, looking back to the road as he spoke. "Well, we came across this little island where a plane had crashed. We went ashore to search for clothes and supplies since everyone had to be dead and I fell into a sand pit with one of the dead. I ended up getting blood and guts all over me and the next thing I knew the rest of the dead from the crash were going after Alicia and the others. So I was helping them fight them off so we could get back to the boat and it hit me. None of the dead were going after me. So, I stopped and just walked into the herd and came face to face with one. I looked it right in the eyes and it was like it saw me, but it didn’t. It just kind of sniffed at me and made that raspy snarling sound they make and I snarled back. It was the most terrifying and exciting things I'd ever felt sober, standing toe to toe with something that wanted to have me for lunch and having it just turn and walk away." He said with a chuckle. "I started looking for excuses to go walk among them after that. Mom was furious. She was convinced I was trying to kill myself. She couldn't understand." 

Troy sat, silently listening to Nick's explanation in amazement. "How much time did you spend with the dead like that?" 

Nick blinked at that, face scrunching a moment later as he tried to think. "A few days. At one point I was alone in the desert heading for Tijuana and I came across a small herd and joined it. It was a lot safer than being out there alone. I'd been attacked by some assholes in a jeep and a couple dogs before that, so I was limping and pretty fucked up. I think I almost died at one point. I was walking along and I guess I passed out. The next thing I knew I was waking up in the rain. Next day Luciana and her people found me and brought me to La Colonia with them." 

Troy blinked at that. "So how long were you with them before heading to the boarder?" 

"A little less than two weeks." Nick said with a shrug. "I was the one that convinced everyone we should head to the boarder. This gang was going to come kill us all and I had seen your helicopter." He said with a humorless laugh. "I thought maybe the military had set up a base there, we all thought it was an evac site." 

At that Troy looked down at his notes. He was already into the first ones he had taken on the dead and the few equations he had come up with to try and calculate how fast a person would turn once they died. "It had been an evac site. The military abandoned it the day before we got there. Charlie knew some of the people who had been station there. That's how we knew about the fuel and supplies. She had a radio a friend gave her and overheard the call to evac one night, so after that we made our move and secured the site." He explained as he went back to copying his notes, every once in a while getting a smudge of ink on his hand as he scribbled away. 

"How long were you there before we came?"  

"Three weeks. We had it set up that every other day we would fill up a truck with fuel and supplies to send back to the ranch. We were just about finished emptying the place when you and the others came along and had planning on leaving the day after shit hit the fan." 

"And your experiments? How did those start?" Nick asked, his curiosity getting the better of him. 

"One of the old timers from the ranch insisted on coming with us to the depot, he swore up and down we needed him because he used to work there 20 years ago and he knew how everything worked. So, we let him tag along and the first day he up and has a god damn heart attack right in the middle of yelling at my men for not knowing how to set up one of the fuel pumps correctly. Back then we thought you had to be bitten to turn, so when he was dead we put him in the back of one of the trucks so he could be brought home to his family on the first supply run. Well about an hour later he's up and trying to take a bite out of Blake. We put him down, checked for bites and when we didn't find any we all agreed we had to know more." 

"So, you started capturing Mexicans and anyone else you could find and killing them to try and figure out why we turn when we die." Nick said, tone a little bitter. He made peace with what Troy had done, but he still didn't like it. 

"Yup." Troy agreed, not noticing the change in Nick's tone as all his focus shifted to copying his notes over. "Health doesn't seem to really factor into how fast a person turns, but BMI and age appears to. Though you have to account for bone structure as well there. Like we weight about the same give or  take a few pounds and we're only about 2 years apart in age I'm guessing, but I'm taller and my bones would be heavier because of that. So, I would most likely turn faster than you if we both died at the same time. I think it has to do with how fast brain activity takes to end and the residual electric current running through our bodies takes to dissipate." Troy mused, moving on from copying a batch of notes to copying a journal entry about the goings on at the depot. 

"Okay, I have to ask, you didn't go to high school, you weren't even home schooled from what I heard. How do you even know about body mass index and electrical activity in the body and shit like that?" Nick asked, turning to look over at Troy a moment before looking ahead again. The rain was letting up a little, but he did not want to look away too long and risk crashing. 

"You know that fancy book collection big Otto kept in the living room?" Troy asked, never looking up from his writing. 

"Yeah."  

"My grandfather was a doctor, when he died we kept his books and not much else. At least half of those books were medical texts and journals and the rest were all science and philosophy. I must have read them all at least a dozen times over the years." He explained, never pausing in his copying. 

"That explains a lot." Nick said, slowing the van as they approached the abandoned gas station ahead. 

Troy looked up at that. "You've seen how much I write, are you really surprised I like to ready too?" 

Shaking his head Nick put the van in park and turned to face Troy. "No, not really. I guess I just didn't put much thought into where you got your knowledge from before." 

"Let me guess, until I told you they pulled me out of school you thought I was a college kid, maybe military?" He teased, looking up from his notes to smile at Nick. 

"Something like that." He said with a shrug. "You gonna come check out the store, or stay here?" 

Troy hummed in thought a moment, looking over at the little store. Strand and Alicia were already out of the truck and walking over to look through the windows. "I'll come with.." He said, setting his journals down between the seats again. In the distance thunder cracked and Daisy let out another pathetic meow from the back. "Don't worry, we won't be long." He said, leaning around his seat to give the cat a sympathetic look before opening his door and hopping out into the rain. 

Nick followed Troy's lead, both grabbing their knives and moving quickly to join Strand and Alicia where they waited at the front door of the little gas station. 

"It looks empty." Alicia said, one hand on the first door and ready to open it. 

"It appears it’s already been raided, but there might still be some supplies and maps." Strand said, grabbing the other door handle. Both he and Alicia flung the doors open at the same time and with that all four of them moved in together. 

Troy and Strand went to the right towards the coolers and bathrooms, Alicia and Nick went left towards the register. The shelves were mostly picked over, though Troy did spot a bag of cat food, which he made a mental note to grab on their way out along with a box of trash bags.  

After a moment of looking they agreed the place was truly empty and began to take everything that was left. Alicia filled a bag with candy that had been knocked onto the floor behind the counter. Nick grabbed enough cigarettes to last until the next apocalypse. Strand picked up one of each magazine and carefully tucked them into a trash bag he took from the box Troy had found. 

Troy made his way into the back room, searching for anything that might have been missed by people in their haste to raid the store and GTFO. Much to his delight he found several more bags of cat food along with some canned foods and various other odds and ends the store had an excess of. "Hey, guys! I hit the jackpot!" He yelled as he started to toss cans of food into a trash bag. 

A moment later the others were crowding into the small stock room. 

"There's a couple weeks' worth of food here." Troy said proudly as he continued to toss cans into his bag. 

"Awesome." Nick beamed, stepping in alongside Troy to start throwing cans in his own bag along with his hoard of cigarettes.  

"Does anyone else find it at all odd that there would be this much food left in a place that otherwise appears to have been ransacked?" Strand asked, taking a cautious look out into the empty store front from where he stood at the door. 

"A little, but let's not look a gift horse in the mouth." Alicia said, tossing a can of peaches at Strand, who caught it with a sigh. 

"Everything has dust on it, whoever left it here left it a while ago." Nick said, wiping a cobweb away from a box of crackers before dropping it into his bag. 

Strand just rolled his eyes before walking away, storage room door swinging shut behind him with a loud click. 

"We should get all this loaded in the van and find an alternate route ASAP. With the speed this storm is moving I don't think we're gonna outrun it." Troy said, listening to the rumble of thunder getting closer. 

"You're the one who knows where we're going, go grab one of the maps from beside the register and get cracking. "Alicia said as she turned to take Troy's mostly full bag from him. "I'll run these out.' 

"Watch out for Daisy, she was hiding behind my seat." He warned as Alicia headed out the door. A moment later he was walking out as well and making his way over to grab one of the road maps that sat on the counter.  

Once unfolded the map took up most of the open counter space. It took him a minute to find where they were. He traced his fingers over the highway lines, after a moment finding what he was looking for. 

Nick walked up beside Troy along with Strand in toe a moment later. "So, what's the verdict?" He asked, resting his chin on Troy's shoulder as the taller man continued to trace his fingers over the lines of the map. 

"If we go back down to where 395 meets 26 we can go west until it hits Prineville, then head north on 97. Then we just need to follow that stretch until it meets 90 and it's a straight shot to North Bend." He explained, tracing his fingers along the roads. "The road the house is on is close to the highway, but it’s unmarked, so most people thought it's just a logging road unless they knew my aunt."

Strand nodded along with the directions. "Alright then, let's get moving." He said with a nod, grabbing a copy of the map for himself just in case. 

With a nod of his own Troy folded the map he had been using back up and the lot of them made their way back out to their vehicles. With the storm raging it would be slow going, but they could still make it a good distance before having to stop for the night. With that in mind they headed out, making it all the way to Grass Valley Oregon before having to pull over under an overpass to sleep for the night. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So one thing that I always find interesting is how empty a lot of places are, like I know a lot of people ran when the world ended, but sometimes it amazes me that we don't see more hordes and I know Troy would notice shit like that. Same with the science behind the dead coming back. He's obviously self taught on many things and I could see him wondering about these things and trying to break down the different factors involved in turning and the way herds form and the walkers sort of migrate.  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'll see you all in a few days with a new one ;) We're in the final stretch people!  
> http://www.riseagainst.com/music/black-market/black-market


	9. Historia Calamitatum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To start off I want to apologize for taking so long to get this chapter written. I hurt my arm last week and once it stopped being numb it started to hurt like a bitch and basically I've been too pained and depressed to do much of anything. Today was the first day I was able to really get any writing done. So I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

The storm raged on as the little caravan drove on into the evening. Eventually it was obvious they weren't going to find a good place to crash for the night, so Nick pulled aside under an overpass on the outskirts of a burnt-out town that was once called Grass Valley. 

Nick let out a yawn as he threw the van in park and rubbed at his eyes tiredly. "I don't think the rain is going to let up anytime soon." He said, looking over at Troy, who was currently petting a still somewhat terrified looking Daisy as she laid curled up in his lap. 

"Yeah, this it’s a nasty one." Troy said, raising a hand to rub at the right side of his collarbone absently as he spoke. "It keeps changing directions too." 

Nick's brows knit together in confusion at that statement. "How can you tell?" 

With a smirk Troy unhooked the top two buttons of his shirt then grabbed Nicks right hand, bringing it up so his fingertips ran over his right collarbone. "Feel that lump?" He asked, making Nick's fingers circle around a spot dead center of the bone. It was raised just enough that it could be felt but otherwise wasn't visible if you didn't know what to look for. 

"What is that." Nick asked, running his fingers back and forth of his own accord now that he felt what Troy had wanted him to. 

"Broke it as a kid. Ever since then I get this sensation like I'm being stabbed with a pick whenever there's a sudden change in air pressure. My mother used to joke I was better at telling the weather than the damn weatherman on tv was." He with a chuckle. 

"How'd you break it?" Nick asked, taking his hand away and turning the overhead light on so he could see Troy better. 

"I was crying about something and big Otto hit me. I ended up falling down the stairs and landing pretty hard. Kind of surprised I only ended up with a broken collarbone to be honest." He said, buttoning his shirt back up then scooping Daisy up to put her on the floor between their seats. 

A knock came at Nicks window, making them both jump slightly. Looking over they saw Alicia waiting.  

Nick opened his door, a burst of chilled wind making Daisy dart into the back of the van in attempt to get away from it. 

"You guys wanna try and get a fire going to cook dinner, or do you wanna just have the last of the bread and some of the canned fruit we found?" She asked, looking back and forth between the two. 

"We should be able to get a fire going. Move the truck closer so it'll help block and wind." Nick said, pushing his door open further before hopping out. 

A moment later Troy was out of the van as well and circling around to the back to get out the cinder blocks and the crate of wood they had packed in case they ended up stopping somewhere without anything to burn.  

As he started to unload the needed supplies with Nick's help, Daisy came to the edge of the van and sniffed at the space where their cooking gear had been sitting before hopping out and coming to circle around Troy as he started to build the fire. 

"Assuming my navigation skills are still up to par, we're still about five hours away from North Bend." Strand said as he climbed out of the truck and walked over to stand in front of the still lit headlights and get a better look at the map he now had in hand. 

"That's not too bad." Nick said, coming to crouch beside Troy and starting to arrange some rocks around the soon-to-be-fire. 

"It might take longer if this storm's keeps going the way it is." Alicia pointed out, coming over to set down a pot and a few bowls and spoons beside Nick and Troy.  

"Well, here's hoping it doesn’t." Strand said with a sigh as he folded his map back up. 

"If the storm came down through Washington we might run into downed trees and flooding on the way tomorrow." Troy warned as he pulled a flint and steel from his pocket and began to strike them. "The stretch of highway we have to take goes through the mountains and since there's no one to maintain them anymore we might need to stop and clear our own path in some places." 

"Do you think the winch on the truck will be strong enough for that?" Alicia asked as she came back carrying a few cans of what appeared to be beef stew. 

"It should be. If not, we'll figure something out." Troy said with a shrug, face scrunched in concentration as he continued to strike the flint and steel together. After a few more tries the kindling finally caught and started to smolder. 

"Hey, are you guys gonna sleep in the van with us tonight?" Nick suddenly asked, looking back and forth between Strand and Alicia. 

Strand shook his head. "I'll sleep in the truck. I don't imagine trying to fit the four of us along with our supplies and a cat would make for a good night's rest for anyone." 

"He just doesn't want to deal with your snoring." Alicia said, tone teasing as she looked at Nick before starting to empty the cans of stew into a pot. 

"I don't snore." Nick said with a laugh as he started to prop the cinder blocks around the fire so he could set the grate on top. 

"You do sometimes." Troy pointed out, taking a seat on the ground beside the little fire and holding his hands out to be warmed by the flames. 

Nick scoffed at that. "I don't snore, you do." 

"I know I snore." Troy said lightly. "But, unlike you, I can admit it." 

"Yeah, whatever." Nick said, coming to sit beside Troy now that he was finished setting up their makeshift cook top and bumping their shoulders before giving the older man a playful grin. 

Heaving a heavy sigh, Strand came to sit on the ground opposite the two. "Remind me again why I chose to come along rather than stay in the village?" 

"You miss hot showers and electricity?" Troy speculated. He didn't know Strand as well as Alicia and Nick, but it had become obvious very quickly that the older man would do just about anything to have an easier life wherever possible. Even if it meant being stuck with two teenagers and a somewhat racist psychopath. 

Strand quirked a smile at that. "That must be it." He said, tone light as he inched a bit closer to the fire when a gust of cold wind swept through the underpass. The vehicles blocked most of it, but the sudden chill was still unpleasant. 

"Aw, really? And here I thought you came along because you care about us." Nick teased, leaning forward to warm his own hands by the fire as he watched Alicia set the pot of stew up on the grate to start warming. 

Still smiling, Strand didn't try to deny it, just laughed and shook his head without another word. 

"Anyway," Alicia began as she took a spoon and began to stir the stew. "we shouldn't stay up too much longer. The earlier we get up tomorrow the better." 

"Yeah, I'm good with that." Nick agreed, fighting a yaw. "It's your turn to clean up tonight." He added with a smile aimed at his sister. 

"Lucky for me it's raining then, I won't need to waste any of our drinking water." She said with a shrug before turning to shoo Daisy away from the stack of bowls beside her. The cat made a sound of annoyance before circling the fire and coming to rub up against Strand's side. 

"Could always let the cat lick the dishes clean if you don't wanna wash them." Nick joked, watching the feline in question climb into a surprised looking Strand's lap and curl into a ball of fuzzy purring happiness. 

"Ew." Alicia said, sticking her tongue out as she continued to stir the now almost bubbling stew. "I'll wash them, thanks." 

Troy chuckled at that, leaning to his right to grab one of the bowls and a spoon. "When we were kids Jake tried to get away with letting one of the dogs lick the dishes clean instead of washing them." 

Nick snorted a laugh at that. "I'm going to guess that did not end well." 

Troy shook his head as he held the bowl out for Alicia to scoop some stew into. "My mother caught him and made him wash every single dish in the house, even the ones that were already clean. Only time I can remember him every really getting in trouble for anything." He said, handing the bowl to Nick before picking up another for himself. 

"Nick put regular dish soap in the dishwasher once and flooded the entire kitchen with bubbles." Alicia said as she emptied the last of the stew into the two remaining bowls for Strand and herself. 

"Okay, I was six when I did that." Nick defended, raising a hand to point at his sister. "And to be fair, no one had told me that there were two kinds of dish soap. I thought the big bottle under the sink was the same as the little bottle on the counter and that they just were different colors because they smelled different." He elaborated with a wave of his hand before picking up his spoon and starting in on his dinner. 

"Whatever. You still tried to blame me even though I was barley four years old, and mom and dad made you clean the whole kitchen for lying." Alicia said with a grin before taking a bit of stew. 

"You're my baby sister, who else am I gonna blame?" Nick joked around a mouthful of stew. 

Troy and Strand listened in as the siblings continued to bicker. Both eating their dinner and trading looks of amusement as Nick and Alicia continued to regale them with stories of their childhood shenanigans. 

Once they were finished eating Strand grabbed a blanket from the van and said his good nights before climbing into the truck and locking himself in for the night. 

Nick and Troy moved things around in the back of the van to give them and Alicia enough room to sleep before laying out two of the blankets to lay on top of. Daisy situated herself somewhere in the front of the van and Nick and Troy climbed in and under the blue and white floral blanket that Troy had taken from the motel a few days before since it was the heaviest they had and would be the warmest. 

"It's going to be cramped with Alicia in here." Troy commented, scooting over further so he was closer to the side of the van. Nick was situated in the middle of their makeshift bed so that Alicia would be on his opposite side when she finished cleaning up from dinner. 

"It'll be fine, she's small. Besides, you're not the one stuck in the middle." Nick joked, rolling onto his side and throwing an arm over Troy's chest. 

"True." Troy said, moving so his right arm was up over his head and bent back so he could use his wrist as a pillow, his left hand coming to rest on Nick's arm where it laid across him.  

"So, when we get to the house what's the first thing you're gonna do?" Nick asked sleepily as he re-situated himself with his head on Troy's chest. 

Troy hummed in thought a moment before answering, his hand stroking at Nick's arm idly. "Set up the solar panels and get the water heater working so I can take a damn shower." 

Nick chuckled at that. "That sounds good."

"What about you?" Troy asked, continuing to run his fingers up and down Nick's arm idly. 

"I dunno. I guess go exploring. You said there were trails that go all over the mountain, right? Maybe I'll check them out once we have the solar panels working." He mused, nuzzling into Troy's chest as he spoke. 

"If you can wait 'til we get the greenhouse and everything set up I'll go with you." Troy offered, letting his eyes drift closed finally. 

"Yeah? Alright." Nick agreed, voice giving way to how close to sleep he was. 

Just then the side door of the van slid open and a burst of cold air made both men groan in annoyance. 

"Hurry up, Licia." Nick whined as he snuggled closer to Troy, who had stopped using his arm as a pillow and now had it wrapped around Nick's shoulders to pull him closer. 

"Yeah, yeah. I'm moving as fast as I can." She said as she put the now cleaned dishes into the box behind the driver's seat before climbing in and sliding the door shut behind her. A moment later she was taking off her shoes then getting herself situated under the blanket beside Nick. 

Once everyone was settled Nick let out a contented sigh and drifted off quickly. Troy could hear the change in his breathing, then the change in Alicia's, and he found himself lying awake for a while after the siblings were out.  

He found himself thinking about the house, and the fact that it was going to be their home, not just the place that he visited a few times as a kid. He liked the thought of that. A place to call their own. Because it was theirs. It was Nick's just as much as it was his now. Or it would be once they got there. He even liked the idea of having Alicia and Strand there. They were in this together. He didn't belong to anyone but himself and those he chose to let into his life now and he liked the idea of that.  

As he began to drift off his last thoughts were of the road ahead and the short hours it would take to reach their home. He fell asleep with a small smile on his lips to the sounds of the pouring rain and the steady breathing of his family beside him. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! As I'm sure you've all noticed next chapter will be the last one of the story. But fear not! I plan to write another one with lots of smut and domestic fluffy bliss and possibly some angsty drama thrown in. I haven't honestly got anything planned for it past the smutty first chapter though. So we'll have to wait and see what happens.  
> Anyway I'll have the last chapter up in a few days. I need to rest my arm some more. As always please feel free to comment and ask questions and such. I love talking to you all!  
> http://www.riseagainst.com/music/historia-calamitatum <\--- always read the lyrics for the chapter if you can


	10. Far From Perfect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAHHHHH!!!! Final chapter! Don't worry, there's another story coming after this one, I promise.  
> I want to thank you all for reading along and being so sweet and encouraging, it really means a lot to me and I appreciate each and every one of you.

When Troy awoke the next morning, he found himself no longer being used as a human pillow, though Daisy did have half of her body draped over one of his shins. When he opened his eyes and turned his head he was greeted by the sight of Nick, sprawled on his back, with Alicia cuddled up with him in a similar position to how Nick had been cuddling him the night before. It was honestly pretty damn cute; Nick with an arm wrapped protectively around his sister, who had curled up against his side with an arm wrapped around his torso.

Moving slowly, Troy inched his way out from under the blanket and back towards the passenger's seat of the van. Daisy made a noise of protest at his sliding his leg out from under her before stretching and curling up with her back pressed to Nick's leg.

Once he was free of the makeshift bed he leaned back against the seat with a yawn. It was barley light out, and it was still raining. After a moment of debating it, Troy grabbed his journals and the Polaroid camera from where they rested between the seats. He held the camera up, looking at Nick, Alicia and Daisy through the view finder a moment before snapping a picture. Daisy grumbled in annoyance at the flash, but neither of the siblings so much as stirred in their sleep, so he figured he was safe from being caught.

With a smile he tucked the undeveloped picture into one of the back pages of his new journal and found where he had left off in the old one. When he had stopped writing the night before he had made it all the way to where he had written about the night spent with Nick at the Bazaar. 

It didn't take long for Troy to finish copying that last entry and he closed his old journal with a sigh. He ran his hands over the damaged leather binding, remember when he found it in a box of his grandfather's belongings up in the attic at the start of the apocalypse. He had gone up to look for a box of candles, instead he found a box full of journals, both full and empty, all with the same style leather binding.

He set the ruined journal aside and turned back to his new one. He still needed to write about what happened the day they left the Bazaar. The thought of it made his stomach clench uncomfortably, but he opened to a new page regardless and began to write.

He started with how he had gone to wader the Bazaar while Nick went to talk to El Matarife about a job, wanting to see for himself what it was people did there aside from trade goods and indulge in more hedonistic activities. He had spent a few hours just wandering and observing. Even surrounded mostly by Mexicans he was able to blend in by staying quiet and acting like he was supposed to be there, like the place didn't unsettle him somewhere deep down.

Troy continued to write, loosing track of time as he let everything he experienced that day pour out of him and onto the pages. Before he knew it, he was on to writing about the dam, then waking up in the village. Then he was writing about the days spent in the clinic with Nick constantly at his side. Then the encounter with Madison by the river and their journey thus far.

He became so focused that he didn't notice the growing brightness outside or Alicia waking up and moving to sit with a yawn and stretch.

"Hey, how long have you been awake?" She asked softly, rubbing the sleep form her eyes.

Troy didn't hear her. Lost in his memories as he wrote about the night he had the breakdown in the motel and punched the mirror.

"Troy?" Alicia said, trying to get his attention. When he didn't respond she waved a hand at him before bringing it to take hold of Troy's where it was quickly scribbling on the page.

Troy blinked down at the smaller hand that was now gently holding his own, eyebrows coming together in confusion as he looked at their hands then up to meet concerned green eyes. 

"Hey, are you alright?" Alicia asked, still holding onto his hand.

Troy blinked owlishly, contemplating the question before answering. "Yeah. I'm good." He said simply before looking back down to where her hand still held his.

"Are you sure? You were totally checked out there." She said, finally taking her hand away.

Blinking up at her again, he nodded. "Yeah, I was just writing down everything that's happened since the dam..." He explained, holding up the journal a moment before setting it back on his leg. "I guess I zoned."

"I'll say. You didn't hear me talking to you?" Alicia asked as she reached over to pet Daisy where she was lying beside Nick's hip.

Troy shook his head. "I lose myself when I'm doing things sometimes. Jake called it hyper-focusing." He explained with a shrug as he closed the journal and tucked the pen into the little loop of fabric on the side that was made to hold it. 

"Yeah, Nick does that too sometimes." Alicia said, looking down at her brother, who was still sleeping like the dead. "You wanna wake him, or should I?"

Troy smirked at that. "By all means." He said with a wave of his journal in invitation for her to have the honors. He watched in amusement as Alicia grabbed a fistful of her own hair and started to tickle the right side of Nick's face with it.

With a grumble Nick scrunched his face and turned away from the minor annoyance, but otherwise stayed asleep. Alicia snickered softly to herself before tickling her brother again. Nick groaned in annoyance, this time and swatted a hand up, smacking himself in the face and missing Alicia completely.

Alicia and Troy both laughed at that and Nick groaned and opened his eyes to blink blearily. "What the hell?" He whined, rubbing at his face with the same hand he'd just hit himself with.

"Good morning, sunshine." Troy said sweetly before thwacking Nick's shoulder with his journal. "Time to wake up."

"Why are you both awake? It's so early." Nick protested before rolling onto his stomach and pulling the blanket up over his head.

"We're braiding each other's hair and gossiping about boys." Troy joked dryly, earning a laugh from Alicia and another groan from Nick.

"Please, don't tell me you two are becoming best friends. I don't think I can handle that level of insanity in my life." Nick whined from under the blanket.

Alicia nudged Nick's side with her foot. "This coming from the guy who regularly covers himself in the blood of the dead and goes for walks among them." She quipped.

"I don't judge your hobbies." Nick shot back, poking his head out from under the blanket to look back and forth between the two.

"Come on," Troy started, opening the side door of the van and moving to stand up in the early morning chill. "I'll make you coffee if you get up now." He offered as he stretched his arms up over his head and twisting a bit to make his back crack pleasantly.

Heaving a defeated sigh Nick forced himself to his hands and knees before sitting back on his feet. "And toast?" He asked, scratching at the back of his head and squinting over at Troy.

Troy rolled his eyes at that. "Deal. Do we have any bread left?" He asked, looking over to Alicia now.

Nodding, she turned and rummaged through the box of supplies beside her and handed Troy the last few slices of their bread then the coffee and camping coffee pot. "There's still some oatmeal left too." She said, turning to look at the other contents of the box.

"That sounds good too." Nick said as he resituated himself to put his shoes back on.

"Yeah, well, you can make that yourself, our deal was for coffee and toast and that's what I'm making." Troy said as he turned to walk over to where they had left their makeshift cooking range set up the night before. Strand was already awake and sitting sideways in the Truck with the driver's side door open, a fire going and water near boiling in a pot already.

"Morning." The older man said with a small nod.

"Morning." Troy said back. "You been up long?"

"About half an hour." Strand said, not moving from his seat. Content to watch the younger man set up the coffee pot and lay the pieces of bread he carried out on the grate to begin toasting.

A moment later Alicia was walking up beside him with another pot in hand and the half full container of oatmeal tucked under her arm. "The storm doesn't look like it's letting up." she said as she walked over to the truck to get some water from the barrel in the back.

"It's not." Troy said as he sat down and watched the water run off the sides of the overpass and flow down the street past them in rivulets. "Hopefully we'll drive out of it. I'm getting sick of all the pressure changes." He grumbled the last bit to himself, bringing a hand up to rub at his collarbone where it still ached a bit from the weather.

"What was that?" Strand asked, leaning forward a bit like he was trying to hear the younger man better.

"I said hopefully we won't have to drive in it long. I'm sick of the rain." Troy said loudly with a sigh as he finished adding the grounds to the coffee pot. 

"What are you complaining about, it's not like you're the one driving." Nick joked as he climbed out of the van and came to sit on the ground beside Troy.

"I would if you'd let me." Troy said as he poured enough hot water into the top of the camp coffee pot to make them each a cup. "I feel fine."

"The last time you drove you ended up with a migraine bad enough to need oxy to deal with it. You really want to test if it'll happen again when the roads are like this?" Nick asked, reaching out to flip the pieces of bread on the grate so the other side could start toasting.

"He's got a point." Alicia said as she came and placed the pot of water for the oatmeal on the remaining open space on their makeshift cooktop.

"Fine." Troy said exasperatedly before getting up to grab the cups and bowls they needed from inside the van. "I'm not an invalid you know." He grumbled hotly on his way back with the dishes held in his arms.

"We know. We just don't want you to hurt yourself. You're still recovering, Troy. That takes time and you really shouldn't push yourself too hard when it comes to something as serious as a head injury." Alicia said as she took the bowls from Troy and set them down on the ground beside the fire.

Troy just heaved a sigh and sat down a good arms-length away from Nick. He set the cups down between them then grabbed the coffee pot to pour himself a cup. He knew he was still hurt, he didn't need to be reminded of that. He also felt useless and bored. He hated being bored almost as much as he hated feeling useless.

"Anyway," Strand began, sensing the tension starting to roll off of Troy. "It's only a few hour's drive to the house. Once we’re there I imagine you'll have your hands full with getting the house in working order." He said as he climbed out of the truck and came over to pour himself a cup of coffee.

Troy blinked up from his cup of coffee at that. "Yeah, you're right." He said, relaxing a little. There would be plenty for him to do once they get home. The majority of which being things the others definitely didn't know how to do, so it would be up to him to get things going. That thought made him feel better about his current situation.

Nick scooched closer to Troy then, picking up the remaining cups between them and pouring both himself and Alicia some coffee. "Yeah, you're going to have your hands full for at least a few days. You said so yourself. I don't know about these two, but I don't anything about electrical work or gardening." He said as he handed his sister her coffee and grabbed himself a piece of toast off the grate.

"Farming." Troy corrected with a snort. "We're gonna be growing food, not flowers, Nicky."

"Why not grow flowers too?" Alicia asked as she sat down to wait for the water to boil for the oatmeal. "I mean, some flowers have medicinal properties, and they attract bees." 

Troy blinked over at her. "If you want to take the time to grow a flower garden, then by all means, grow a flower garden. I've never really had much of a green thumb in that department." He said with a shrug before grabbing one of the pieces of toast and starting to munch on it while he waited for the oatmeal to be made.

"It's too late in the year to start a flower garden." Strand commented from his seat in the truck.

"So? It doesn't hurt to plan things out now." Alicia said as she started to mix the oatmeal into the now simmering water.

"I suppose it doesn’t." Strand conceded with a small smile before taking a sip of coffee.

"Well we can sit down and figure out the details once we've got everything up and running. For now, let's just focus on getting where we need to go." Troy said before stuffing the last bite of toast into his mouth and holding a hand out for Alicia to hand him a bowl. The oatmeal would need another few minutes, but he we feeling antsy now. 

"You have, like, no patience, do you?" Alicia said with a smile that she tried to hide with a shake of her head. "Sometimes it's hard to see how you and Jake are related." She mumbled, tone going a little sad.

Troy blinked up at that, having heard her despite her low tone. "I can be patient." He said softly, the aching storm in his chest that he'd been successfully ignoring swelling and coming back with a vengeance at the mention of his brother. He let his hand fall back to his lap, eyes dropping to watch the fire now. 

"Hey, I didn't mean anything bad by that." Alicia said, tone worried as she watched the sudden change in Troy's demeanor. "It's just sometimes you remind me of him, and sometimes you do things that makes me wonder how you could be so different."

Nick snorted at that. "Take that same logic and apply it to us, Licia." He said as he moved closer and put an arm around Troy's shoulders, pulling him close. 

Troy let himself be pulled close to Nick, taking comfort in his presence instead of shying away like a small part of him said to. He didn't like feeling like this, but he knew if he tried to ignore it right now that it would feel worse later, and he did not want to have another breakdown or panic attack.

Alicia just blinked at that, a bit stunned. "Okay, fair." She said, looking back to the oatmeal and giving it a stir.

They sat in silence for the remainder of breakfast, Troy sticking to Nick's side as they ate then cleaned up. 

Once they were on the road again Nick spoke up. "You alright?"

Troy tipped his head back against the seat, looking up at the ceiling. "Not even remotely, but I'm rolling with it."

Nick nodded his understanding before reaching a hand out and wiggling his fingers in an attempt to get Troy to take his hand. Troy took it without hesitation and they let their hands fall to the space between the seats. "Anything I can do?"

"I don't honestly know." Troy admitted. "I miss Jake." He said, throat going tight like the words might choke him for daring to say them aloud.

Nick let his thumb rub over the back of Troy's hand, dancing over the two scars that decorated the back. "I know." Is all he said, giving a squeeze before letting his thumb go back to stroking the other man's hand.

"This isn't going to go away, is it?" Troy asked hesitantly, letting his eyes close. He knew the answer, but he wanted to hear it from someone else.

"No, it's not. But I'll be with you through it. I'm not going anywhere." Nick said resolutely, giving Troy's hand another squeeze before bringing it up to place a kiss on his knuckles. "I promise."

Troy felt his heart clench at those words, throat going tighter and eyes stinging a bit. "Yeah?" He asked, voice cracking against his will.

"Yeah. I'm with you, for as long as you'll have me." Nick said, smiling over at Troy before looking back to the road.

A smile broke out on Troy's face as tears started to fall freely. "Alright." Is all he could bring himself to say, giving Nick's hand a squeeze as he wiped his eyes with his free hand.

They were silent for the next few hours, only really talking when they needed to put in a new CD or when one of them spotted a downed tree ahead in the road. It was slower going than either of them would have liked, but they reached the outskirts of North Bend just after 4 in the afternoon. 

"The road doesn't have a name or a proper sign, so you gotta look for a marker that says NF-5600." Troy explained from the edge of his seat. It was still raining hard, so he was leaning on the dashboard to get a better look ahead. "The road goes up most of the mountain, but the house is across the river on the right side about a mile up."

Nick nodded his understanding, slowing down to try and look for the road. The first mile was paved, but with so many trees fallen from the storm that the turn off could be easily missed. About 10 minutes later they finally spotted it and turned up the road with a cheer.

"Once we get to the bridge it's just a few yards into the trees to the house." Troy explained, still on the edge of his seat and squinting out the window into the rain and gray.

"Hey, if the solar panels are disconnected, how are we going to get the gate open?" Nick asked suddenly, eyes going wide a moment in realization.

"The fence runs on its own panels. We didn't disconnect those." He explained easily. "There!" He said, pointing to the bridge as it came into few past the trees. "That's it!" He beamed over at Nick.

With a grin of his own, Nick turned on the blinker to let the others know they were about to turn, and they made their way across the stone bridge that was just wide enough for a single vehicle with little room to spare. The road switched to dirt after that and ahead they could see the house peaking up over the stone wall and gate. "Damn." Nick said in awe at the sight before him.

"Yeah." Troy said with a smile as they pulled up to the gate. "Be right back." He said quickly before hopping out into the pouring rain and sprinting over to the control panel on the left side of the gate. 

The panel had some leaves plastered to it from the rain, which he quickly wiped off before opening the panel up and squinting down at the numbers it revealed. He quickly tapped in the code, laughing when it beeped loudly then the red light that had been glowing switched to green and the gate started to slide open on its own. With that he ran back to jumped into the passengers seat to grin at Nick.

"Well, what are you waiting for, a written invitation?" Troy asked, bringing a hand up to wipe the water from his face and push his sodden bangs away from his eyes. He really needed a haircut.

Nick smiled over at him before throwing the van back into drive and pulling forward into the front yard of the property. "Welcome home." He said as he came to a stop outside the front of the massive old stone and wood house. 

Those words made the space in Troy's chest feel warm, and without hesitation he leaned over, grabbed Nick's face in his hands and kissed him, putting all the love and hope and happiness he felt with the other man into this one simple action.

Nick laughed against his lips before bringing his hands up to take hold of Troy's face in turn and returning the kiss just as good as he was getting.

A moment later they broke apart, both grinning like fools before turning to get out of the van. They were both anxious to get started and it was obvious from the energy they both radiated.

Troy went straight to the front door, thankful for the spacious covered porch that took up most of the front of the building and the protection it provided from the elements. He stopped at the flower pot that sat to the right of the door and, after a moment of digging around in the old top soil, pulled a key from where it had been hiding. He mentally patted himself on the back for remembering where it was before sliding it into the lock and giving it a quick turn. 

A moment later the door was swinging open and he was hit with the familiar scent of old books, mint and maple filling his nostrils. The scent instantly reminding him of his aunt and the few times he visited her in his young life. 

"What is that?" Alicia asked, suddenly standing beside Troy with a box of blankets in her arms.

Troy blinked down at her. "What?"

"That smell? It's sweet." She said, looking around the foyer before stepping inside. There was a bench to the left, with hooks on the wall above it for coats. The wall to the right had a large mirror with a sheet draped over it a bit further down was a set of stairs that went up as well as a door to the right that went to the living room and one to the left that went to the dining room and kitchen.

"My aunt liked to make her own maple syrup. The smell's soaked into the walls and furniture." Troy said absently as he stepped inside. "There's a few gallons of it stored in the basement, unless Jake took it all like I suspected he might have."

Alicia set the box she was carrying down on the bench before turning to Troy.

Before Troy knew what was happening Alicia was hugging him tightly, her face buried in his chest. "It's okay to miss him." She said, voice muffled against his shirt.

After a moment's stunned hesitation, he let his arms come up and wrap around her smeller frame to hold her just as tightly as she held him. He let his head fall forward, chin resting on the top of her head and his eyes slipping closed. "I know... I just... I'm not good with this kind of thing..." He admitted, voice a bit shaky.

"No one is. But we can miss him together." Alicia said, tightening her hold.

Troy opened his eyes at those words, blinking down at the younger woman. "Yeah..." He said after a moment, letting his eyes close again. He wasn't the only one dealing with the loss of his brother, and knowing that Alicia was hurting over him too made the pain he felt just a little easier to deal with.

After a long moment they heard the telltale sound of a click and flash. Pulling apart they turned to see Nick in the doorway with the Polaroid camera in hand, a smile on his face as he lowered it. "Sorry, couldn't resist." He said with a mischievous smile.

Alicia groaned as she let go of Troy and stepped away. "You know I don't like having my picture taken!" She said with a huff before walking out past her brother and back out into the rain.

Troy just gave Nick a pointed look, one eyebrow raised and his hands coming to rest on his hips.

"What? The two of you looked so sweet, I wanted to capture the moment." He said simply before pulling the photo from where it was still hanging from the front of the camera. He waved it a few times before pocketing it and turning to pick up the box he had been carrying. "Are you going to stand around all day or are you going to help us get everything out of the van?" He asked, raising a brow at troy.

"You're lucky I love you." Troy said with a sigh as he walked past Nick and back outside. As he stepped out he heard a chuckle escape the other man.

It didn't take them long to get everything inside, though Daisy refused to leave the van for a good 10 minutes despite Troy's best efforts to coax her out from under one of the seats.

Once everything was inside they started opening windows and taking sheets off the furniture. It didn't take long for Troy to show everyone around. The house was big, much bigger than the others had been expecting.

"So why did your aunt buy such a big house?" Nick asked as they walked down the hall upstairs towards the room they had claimed as their own.

"She liked to have guests." Troy explained, trailing behind Nick leisurely. "She never had a family of her own, so she had friends and their families over constantly. It drove my dad crazy. He said if she was so lonely she should move to the ranch. She didn't want to leave the woods though. Said they were her home and while it was far from perfect it was home." He said with a shrug.

Nick hummed at that. "Yeah, I can see that. It's nice out here. Peaceful."

Troy smiled at that. "You wanna come help me with the panels?" He asked, knowing that Nick would come along just for the company.

"Sure." He said easily, turning to face Troy. "Lead the way." He said, holding a hand out to gesture forward.

With that Troy turned on his heel and led the way downstairs and to the back door that was located in the kitchen. "We need to get the cables reconnected then flip the breakers that control the power flow. It shouldn't take too long."

The back yard of the property was pretty large, at least a few hundred feet from the door to the back edge of the stone wall. There was a garden shed to their immediate right, and the greenhouse was maybe 20 feet from that. A massive structure made up mostly of glass panels. Just past that was the painfully obvious hatch to a bunker.

To their left, on the corner of the house, was a massive panel of meters and wires. Troy walked over to it, eyeing the different meters a moment before crouching and opening a box that all of the wires and cables went into. Inside was multiple plugs and ports and only two wires were currently plugged in.

Nick watched in silence as Troy fiddled with the different wires, picking them up and examining them before finding their correct ports and getting them locked into place. 

After roughly fifteen minutes of careful work Troy twisted the last cable into place and closed the panel. He stood up, stretching his arms over his head and turning to face Nick with a grin. "Okay, hard part's over." He said, brushing his wet hair back out of his face as the rain continued to pelt them. "Now we just need to flip the breakers and wait for the sun to come out."

"So, we could be without power for a while if this rain doesn't let up?" Nick asked as he followed Troy back into the house and out into the garage where the breakers were located.

"Yeah, but we have wood for the fireplaces in the bedrooms and living room. Plus, there's a wood stove in the garage." He said as he pushed the door to said garage open and squinted into the semi-darkness. The garage door had windows, but in the dim light of the storm it was hard to see much.

"That's good to know." Nick said, stepping in behind Troy and watching him go over to open the bay door of the garage to let more light in.

Once the door was open Troy made his way to the back corner to where the breakers were located behind the wood stove. He opened the panel and squinted at the different little switched. After a moment he flipped several over, grinning when he heard a hum coming from the house that hadn't been there before. "The batteries must have had some juice left." He said, explaining the hum and turning from the panel to the row of wood stacked along the right side of the garage.

"So now what?" Nick asked, taking the pieces of wood that Troy started to hand him and stacking them in his arms.

"Now, we bring in this wood so we can keep warm tonight." He said easily as he grabbed several pieces for himself and led the way back inside.

They found Strand in the kitchen inspecting the different appliances and gave him an arm full of wood for his room before finding Alicia in the library and doing the same for her. After they brought in enough for themselves they all settled into the living room with a fire going and a warm meal of soup and crackers.

After a while Nick convinced everyone to play Monopoly. Strand even played, feigning reluctance but smiling the whole time.

That night they all went to sleep in their new rooms. Exchanging goodnights before disappearing for the evening.

Troy was the first one in bed, marveling at how soft the sheets and blankets felt against his skin. He'd warmed up enough water for everyone to go off into the bathrooms before bed and give themselves a scrub down since the showers wouldn’t be up and running until the sun was out and the solar panels could start working again. 

He was almost asleep when Nick joined him a short time later. A smile on the younger man's face that glowed in the low light of the small fire Troy had built in the fireplace to warm the room up. "Feel better?" Asked as he watched Nick rub at his hair with a towel.

"Much." He said before coming to stand at the side of the bed. He was clad in a pair of boxers and nothing else and he looked ready to pass out. "How about you?"

"I'm awesome." Troy said, flipping the covers up in invitation for Nick to join him.

"Good." Nick said, climbing into bed and immediately wrapping himself around Troy.

Troy smiled and let himself get tangled into a mess of limbs with the shorter man. They ended up both on their sides, arms and legs tangled and their foreheads and noses touching. "I love you." He said, smiling at the soft expression Nick wore.

"I love you too." Nick replied before closing the short distance between them and kissing him sweetly.

Humming happily, Troy returned the kiss. When the kiss ended they only parted enough to be able to breath. They fell asleep like that; each holding the other close and dreaming of a future spent together. Safe and happy. Things were far from perfect, but perfect as they are.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I would LOVE to hear what you all think. I really hope you all enjoyed the story and I'll see you with the next installment in a few days.  
> http://www.riseagainst.com/music/wolves/far-perfect

**Author's Note:**

> Like my work? Swing by [My Tumblr](https://meteora-writes.tumblr.com/ask) with a request/prompt?  
> Wanna know what I'm writing next? Check out my [Writing Queue](https://meteora-writes.tumblr.com/Queue)


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